Hey, Kamikaze Snowmen, You’re Welcome for Being Released From Your Mummy Curse!

By Adam Quesnell
Contributing Writer

[TIGHT PANTS DISCLAIMER: Keep in mind that, as I finished work on this column, I was wearing my “Laundry Day” pants. For the uninformed, “Laundry Day” pants are pants that once fit me, but are now too small because I gave up on avoiding fried pizzas. I was planning on doing laundry before finishing this column, but I went to a certain 24 hour laundromat that boasts, “Free Dryin’” on the window, and there was not an open seat in the house which, once I worked through the anxiety attack, it meant that laundry had to wait … so, this is what fell out of my brain while I was, A: waiting for a delicious pizza, and B: waiting for a less busy laundromat.]

A storm is brewing in the Fargo-Moorhead area and it isn’t just the typical mutant tornado storm that is no way shape or form connected to global warming … This storm is one that follows closely on the heels of the Cerberus of comedy music genius that is The Kamikaze Snowmen. If I could use foul language in this column I would have used the F-word in my description of the Kamikaze Snowmen because polite speech alone is incapable of properly describing their awesomeness. Just ask Shakespeare. His play “The Tempest” was actually based on a portentous dream he had about the coming of the Snowmen. Due to its lack of f-words, his script failed to communicate that it was actually about a comedy band that will surface in North Western Minnesota/Eastern North Dakota hundreds of years after the penning of his, let’s face it, crappy play.

Take heed. The Kamikaze Snowmen are quite possibly the best comedy music band in this, or any other world or dimension, and quite frankly, they owe it all to me.

I first met the Kamikaze Snowmen in 2001 when I was playing cry-baby emo songs at the Underground on MSUM campus. This venue also served as the place where the Kamikaze Snowmen performed such classic deep cuts as “Lego-Man,” or “Bargos: King of the Ocean.” The Kamikaze Snowmen were/are Terence Brown II, Josh Trumbo, and Paul Tebben; all of whom perform various singing and instrumenting to create the stunning soniophonical landscapses of their music. I saw the Snowmen, week in and week out at MSUM and I thought. these guys are going to make it, these guys are filling a niche that needs to be scratched, pardon me for mixing puniphors, but whenever I recall the events leading up to the rebirth of the Kamikaze Snowmen, I tend to lose my senses. Much darkness weighs heavy on my soul for how I brought them back.

The Kamikaze Snowmen disappeared at some point between 2001 and 2005 (my resistance to doing research for this column prohibits me from having the exact date). The winds told tales of Paul and Josh performing in other bands such as Cosmic Kibosh and The Legionnaires while starting new and amazing families. The mountains spoke a different tale of Terence Brown II … one filled with his heroics as a screenwriter, filmmaker, and (quite mind blowing) illustrator (seriously, look at his blog http://eightpints.blogspot.com/) in the warmer climes of Arizona.

However, I learned the truth of their fate in the Spring of 2009 when I was doing some research in Saudi Arabia for the multination conglomerate, the Falcon Group, who essentially … I’ve written too much. It was at a small unnamed shop in the heart of a city whose name escapes me that I met a broken, oldish looking, younger man to who was introduced to me as, “Mark.” Mark spun a silken word yarn about how a digging crew had unearthed remains that, while sciencey type tests confirmed that the remains are recent, the bodies themselves were hard as though they had been mummified for hundreds of years. I begged him, “Bring me to them!” So he did. He was a pretty accommodating guy, that Mark. He brought me to the lab that housed the mummies and I knew immediately that these were the Kamikaze Snowmen. I could tell, because their names were printed on the outside of the mummy dressings. Mark told me that if I knew their true names, which I did because they were written on their chests, in what appeared to be thick black permanent marker, that he knew of dark magicks which could release them from their mummified prisons.

After sacrificing Mark, again very accommodating, because I needed his blood to perform the arcane ritual of resurrection to summon the Kamikaze Snowmen back to our realm, I nursed them back to life in a small Saudi Hospital. I taught them how to play their instruments again and I gave them the strength to again sing about their Lego Men, their King’s of the Ocean, their Weather Reports, Their Apocalyptic Operas, etc … We returned to the United States after sacrificing Mark’s family in another unholy ritual to make the rumors of where the Snowmen had been the last five years a reality.

Am I saying that the Kamikaze Snowmen should thank me for saving them from a life doomed as mummies? No, but I am illustrating it with the words in this column.

In REALITY, the snowmen took a break to pursue other creative endeavors and have since reformed to play live shows and crank out new and hilarious material via their every-other-weekly Podcast, the Kamikaze Snowcast (more info at http://www.kamikazesnowmen.com). They are one of the shiniest little gems of our comedy scene and we must sing their praises high upon the mountaintops. We must also go to their live show “The Kamikaze Snowmen Explain the Universe” on Wednesday, June 29 for freezies at the Red Raven Espresso Parlor at 9 p.m. (all ages, though there may be adult-type things discussed). This show will feature the Snowmen as hosts and stand-up sets from Paloma Segal and me (Adam Quesnell). The show will be unique in that it will be one part sketch comedy, one part comedy music, one part stand-up, one part talk-show, and all parts awesome. But don’t let my overblown attempts at written comedy theatrics fool you, come out on Wednesday the 29th and see for yourself. The Kamikaze Snowmen f-wording rule.

Adam Quesnell is a stand-up comedian and writer working out of Moorhead, MN. Send feedback to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), follow him on twitter at twitter.com/adamquesnell or visit http://www.adamquesnell.com

IF YOU GO

What: Kamikaze Snowmen Explain the Universe; Featuring Paloma Segal and Adam Quesnell
When: Wednesday, June 29- 9 pm
Where: Red Raven Espresso
Info: All ages, no cover (adult topics discussed)