Life Cycles of Average Heterosexuals

By Roland Finger
Staff Writer

“I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change”: This musical revue’s cumbersome title should not scare you away. It’s a light romp through the Central Park of love, littered with snide remarks, doggie doo-doo desperation, and some tender affection. Everyone pretends their relationships are perfect, but they are really . . . something else.

Craig Ellingson directs a talented cast of six actors, giving us the Music Theatre Fargo-Moorhead version of the second-longest-running Off-Broadway musical ever. That’s right; this play holds a second-place world record.

Universally speaking the language of love, this musical appeals equally to New York and the F-M area. We get to be flies on the sticky wall of romance, witnesses to the rituals, foibles, and games of average heteros.

The singers and actors are strong, hitting the audience with rapid-fire jokes, and the songs are a hoot. Kathryn Hanson’s singing voice stands out for its force. Angie Schulz and Jennifer Kapitan also have dynamic voices, rich with emotion. These women traverse the gamut, from dissatisfied daters and women in difficult relationships to unfortunate divorcees and widows.

The male actors also strut their stuff. Adam Pankow, Chris Olson, and Scott Brusven play nerdy, unconfident guys, as well as car-obsessed, burping, and pompous dudes. The play is a collection of vignettes, looking at budding romances and rough mortal realities.

A striking scene involves Scott Brusven playing a matchmaker. The kicker is that he is a mass murderer stuck in prison convincing non-convicts to seize the day: date each other while you may, and suck some happiness out of life. Scott’s character is in prison because he snapped when he couldn’t find a date for an office party, so he slaughtered his co-workers, mowing them down out of frustration and jealousy. If you don’t want to end up like this intimidating prison maniac, you better grab the dates you can. He “scares people straight” into relationships. Fear is his aphrodisiac.

Another standout section of the play is Jennifer Kapitan’s confession about her divorce, told as she makes a video autobiography, projected onto a screen for the audience to watch. She has joined a dating service, and fantasizes that her ex-husband is dead. He did not even have the decency to leave her for a younger woman. He went after an older woman with a bum hip. The divorcee moves us into the digital dating sphere, revealing a stranded love survivor coping with the latest technology.

The play covers the bases of the couple’s world: a woman competing with football to get her man’s attention, kids interfering with their parents’ sex lives, a guy critiquing chick flicks until he’s sold, parents wanting their son to get married and produce grandchildren.

The play arcs from the young dating world, to adults entering marriage and handling commitments, and ends with the geriatric dating scene. It’s all about the eternal cycle of people needing to be with someone. The actors well reflect genuine people.

This is a great date play because it serves as a warning about the hazards of hitting the dating market again. Reminded how horrible the dating scene can be, each audience member will be happy to be with someone, holding someone’s hand and thinking I’m glad that’s not me on the stage.

But the play also has impact because everyone’s life, to an extent, is portrayed on that stage. Typical people see themselves in the show, spotting their boyfriends and girlfriends, husband wives and exes.

This is not really a single’s play because no character enjoys the hunt, seeking fresh, raw prey in the jungle of love. No one sniffs the alcohol-filled air of a hip nightclub, getting an adrenaline rush from targeting a new prospect, planning a love-spell that leads to frolic and flirtation. That is, except for the final older couple who meet up at a funeral. The New York Jewish accents could be improved. Instead we get Midwestern New York, which in itself is funny to listen to.

The play speaks to people’s fear of being alone, reaching back to the Biblical injunction that men and women belong together. The play avoids homosexuality, barely entertaining the idea that gay couples might even exist. In this play, Queer Nation’s slogan gets reversed: straight couples are here, not queer, so get used to it.

One character, fed up with her lame date, does actually declare that she should have been a lesbian. This is the one reference to same-sex possibilities. But this woman seems to be victimized by her sexual orientation, unable to break away from vapid, one-track minded men.

This play will make you appreciate your love life. If it doesn’t, you may need some love surgery, medication, or counseling.

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If You Go

What: “I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change”
Where: Fargo-Moorhead Community Theatre
When: Oct 7, 8, 9, 7:30pm; Oct 10, 2pm
Info: 701.235.6778