Relationship vs. Promiscuity

By Brooks Speakes
Contributing Writer

Greg is sitting at the I Beam with a beer in hand and enjoying a conversation with a coworker of his when Greg notices that there is somebody a few bar stools away, looking at him as though he were a model from television. Greg can’t help but notice that this man is extremely good looking. He is thinking about if he goes and says hi, if he will like him enough to date for a while.  The guy who is staring at Greg isn’t thinking about being with this guy for so many years, but rather how big and thick Greg’s dick is. Most importantly, this guy is thinking about the next person he wants to f**k.

Sadly enough, this seems to be the mindset of a lot of homosexual people I know.  It’s no longer a goal to be in a long term relationship with a guy, but rather the goal is how many men I can screw during my lifetime. It also seems that the places people normally go to find someone for life, or even for a few years, would be a bar or a website.  No matter what, there will always be the people who are just not into commitment and want their one-night-stand or just someone to have an NSA thing with. Gay bars are the traditional place to start a relationship or a one night stand, and now with websites like Manhunt or Craigslist invading the meet scene, they have now turned into a brothel, for lack of a better word.

Something else that disturbs me about the relationship vs. promiscuous battle is, “Finding someone special is so much work! By being promiscuous, I can find someone right for me.”  I’m sorry, but that’s not how it is. At our cores, sex does not dictate whether or not the guy will make a great relationship partner. It is everything else that dictates that. Questions to ask would be, “How do I feel around _____?,”  “What do we have in common?,” or even, “If I eat this crumbly cookie in bed, will he/she complain?”

I will admit, I have accounts on Manhunt and Craigslist to see if I can find love there, and I have fallen into the promiscuous scene. After a few months of inactivity, I started thinking to myself, what is being promiscuous worth? I can get all the sex I want, and so can my partner, by staying loyal. I can cuddle with him all night by staying loyal to him. I think that the reason nobody wants a relationship with someone special is because of not wanting to be tied down. So don’t look at it as though you are going to be “stuck” with the guy/girl forever; think about your relationship as something that allows you all the pleasures and the memories that you can get. I know this sounds as though you’re entering a buffet with only one option, but in the long run, it will really matter.

Brooks Speake, is the pseudo name for a closeted gay man in Fargo-Moorhead.