The Altar Boyz Will Alter Your Mind

By Roland Finger
Contributing Writer

The “Altar Boyz” musical is still hot from its near five-year stint Off Broadway. Director Craig Ellingson’s Straw Hat Players give us a rollicking and hilarious version of “Altar Boyz;” just the way God intended. The God-loving boy band has arrived for their “Raise The Praise Tour,” singing and dancing to save the audience’s souls. They measure their success with the latest in redemptive technology, “Sony’s Soul Sensor DX12,” which displays how many audience members have given themselves to the Lord. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and Juan spread the New Gospel with the help of their Jewish band member and lyricist, Abraham.

The musical mocks boy bands like ’N Sync and Backstreet Boys. Matt Englund, who plays Luke, commented that the play fulfills his fantasy of being in a boy band. Luke represents the stereotype of the bad boy: speaking in vernacular, making occasional threats, and denying his substance abuse problem. Deep down, he wants to be Eminem, Tupac, or Jay-Z. Nick Kaspari plays Mark, the effeminate and apparently gay band member who longs for Matthew, the clean and well-spoken leader of the band. Speaking tongue-in-cheek and true to his character, Nick Kaspari mentioned that he never wanted to be in a boy band, but he did want to join The Spice Girls.

The play pokes fun at Christian bands by showing their flashy commercialization. After the Soul Sensor has shown that many souls have been saved tonight, Luke exclaims, “God is great!” and Matthew is quick to add, “And so are the people at Sony,” as if he’s required to do some product placement during the show.

The band members also combine modern technology with their faith. Singing about how God calls them on their cell phones and sends them text messages and emails. The innocence of the band members provides some major dramatic irony throughout the play. For instance, the band pumps their hips in unison, singing, “God put the rhythm in me,” to a racy tune, and then they stress “In me! In me! In me!” They are not aware of the double entendre. But it’s all amusing fun.

The performances move from prayer to funk and rock. Juan, played by Nikko Raymo, leads a strong Latin beat song, “La Vida Eternal,” which becomes one of the most emotionally charged pieces in the play. Juan is from Tijuana and could possibly be an illegal immigrant. We don’t ever know, nor does it matter because as another song makes clear, “We are all part of God’s family.” Arizona legislators might do well to listen to Juan’s story.

The play starts with “We Are The Altar Boyz,” and their goal is to “alter your mind.” When the band members spread their arms as if crucified, we are reminded how important it is to have an iconic image to promote religion. There has got to be a logo, and Christianity has one of the best. But Abraham’s t-shirt sporting a Star of David is right up there as well.

We get the “Genesis” of the band; they needed lyrics for their tunes, and Abraham was chosen. At first, he wasn’t completely accepted by the Christian flock, not being allowed to taste a Jesus cracker. But Abraham does stick up for himself, pointing out that the man on the crucifix is Jewish and is not only allowed but venerated in church. Craig, who plays Abraham, remarked that the play is not meant to ridicule religion, and in particular, Judaism does not get disparaged. But in the play, God does tell Abraham to join a band that promotes Jesus quite a bit; that is, God seems to favor the Christians just a little extra.

Fundamentalists might be troubled by this play because it doesn’t always treat religion seriously, even though it exudes a feel-good worship vibe. Plus, strict Creationists get zinged in one line. We hear that those who worship while facing Mecca are all part of God’s plan. The play strives for religious inclusion and acceptance. It doesn’t matter if you’re pregnant and unwed, agnostic, pimply, old, bald, or smelly.

In the song “Something About You,” Matthew croons about the woman who pursues him, but he wants to “wait” and “abstain.” The lyrics are brilliantly ridiculous: “When I hold your body next to mine/ It feels . . . so right/ And it also makes my Levi’s real tight.” Matthew gives the girl some major mixed signals: adoring her, while sexually rejecting her, at least for the time being. Matthew seems to be hetero, but Mark’s additions to the scene make one wonder. The female also has to ponder: He might not really like me, or he might be gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

This play has enough clichéd street lingo to amuse. One of the last songs even lets us imagine how Spinal Tap might appear as a boy band in church. This song, “918,” mixes some hard rock with modified horror film music themes, particularly the famous score from The Exorcist. The band repeats like Father Merrin and Father Karras: “The power of Christ compels you.” These singers are performing an exorcism that leads to self-revelation, and some of the images in this song are gruesome: “Demons will peel your skin off each day.” If you want to avoid this fate, follow God. It’s comedic fire and brimstone.

Kevin Del Aguila wrote the story, and Gary Adler and Michael Patrick Walker provided the music and lyrics. The musical is all about ridiculous characters, one-liners, and jamming to the songs.

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If You Go

What: “Altar Boyz”
Where: Gaede Stage, MSUM
When: June 22-25 and June 29-July 2
Info: 218.477.2271