The World as Viewed with Bacon Covered Lenses

By Joshua Steiner
Contributing Writer

Welcome readers, to my humble yet ranting part of your paper, where we talk food porn; sometimes more and sometimes much, much less… Today we will talk baconahol, diversity and take eleven steps for catering to jalapeno-kind.

My name is Josh and I am a baconaholic…

That’s right, my personal bacon obsession knows no bounds, often other foods trigger a strange kind of Freudian bacon envy (I know, I know, Freud never studied bacon, but he should have; studying bacon is way more interesting than studying an Oedipal complex). This envy frequently leaves me with the feeling that the sandwich I ordered, although pretty good, would be better if it had some bacon, or my steak would be better…if it is wrapped in bacon.

We both know that I’m not the only one experiencing this phenomenon; we do live in a nation not too embarrassed to eat bacon wrapped hot dogs, no?

Baconaholism can lead to embracing diversity…

Diversity’s great right? And what’s more diverse than bacon? Whether it’s by itself, or with something else, morning, noon, or night, bacon is perfectly acceptable. Bacon pairs well with pasta, proteins, dairies, and veggies from asparagus to zucchini; stuffed in a sandwich or even dipped in milk chocolate it’s all good.

In light of my baconaholism, together with a nod to the diversity of bacon I’ve created an eleven step program. This program not only enables my addiction to bacon, but also celebrates bacon’s diversity by pairing it; not only with cheese but with the south of the border pepper that we all love. Follow these eleven steps dear reader and you will be the proud owner of your own cheese stuffed, bacon wrapped jalapeno.

The beauty of a jalapeno is more than skin deep…

Step one: find a jalapeno…
Step two: Depends on how spicy you like your jalapeno, the more skin you leave on your jalapeno the spicier it will be. I use a vegetable peeler and I typically remove about ½ of the skin.
Step three: Slice the Jalapeno in half. Step four: De-seed and remove ribs of the jalapeno.
Step five: place a little bit of cream cheese in the bottom half of the jalapeno.
Step six: Cap the cream cheese with a cheese that melts stingily such as sliced, sharp cheddar. Step seven: Put the jalapeno back together.
Step eight: Tuck the end of a half bacon strip underneath and begin wrapping.
Step nine: Wrap pepper and tuck in other end of bacon so it doesn’t unravel.
Step ten: Slap your peppers onto a baking dish and bake in a pre-heated 380 degree oven for 40-50 minutes, until bacon is cooked through. There will be some cheese leakage but this is no cause for concern.
Step eleven: Remove your stuffed, wrapped, peppers cool, eat, repeat, enjoy.

Bacon, now that’s entertainment!

Many of you festive readers are going to find yourself entertaining this holiday season, if that’s you, then you have a vested interest. This eleven step program for bacon wrapped jalapenos can be carried out entirely ahead of time. That’s right, go ahead and make them a day or two ahead of time and reheat for 10-20 min in a 350 degree oven, cool and serve.

Now that you’re a baconaholic too, I urge you to embrace the jalapeno diversity and take the eleven step program to help successfully cater your own party. What do ya’ think? Bacon could be your guest of honor…

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[Editor’s Note: Joshua Steiner has worked in restaurants and kitchens for most of his life and held just about every conceivable job in the industry. Now he’s bringing his tips, tricks and travels to The High Plains Reader and @thepeoplespressproject.org for you to use in YOUR kitchen.]