Wine and Dine Your Special Someone

By Nikki Berglund
Staff Writer

Every year when Valentine’s Day rolls around, people want advice about which wines to buy for that special someone. Obviously champagne is a sure bet, and you can never go wrong with red wine and chocolate. I guess the question is, how special is that someone and what exactly are you wanting to say? With all of the cutesy labels and witty wine names out there today, who needs me? Just by browsing through the wine section a person can make a statement no matter what stage of a relationship you are in. Wine companies have taken a lot of the guess work out of buying a bottle of wine for your honey, but if you still need some help navigating, here are some suggestions.

The Naked Grape Pinot Grigio or Pinot Noir ($7): This wine hints around a little bit without coming on too strong, or does it? You want to get naked, or then again you could just want to drink a nice Pinot Noir with someone you like. You could be talking about grapes or “grapes?” You get the gist. Also if things don’t work out you A) got yourself a nice, easy to drink bottle of wine and B) at less than $10 a bottle you didn’t waste a lot of money.

PromisQous Red or White Blend ($12): Unlike the less forward wines above, if you decide to give a bottle of this to a potential mate you are just putting it right on out there—“You are not the only Valentine I have.” A choice of a red or white blend says you like to keep your options open. By the way, I did not forget to spell check this one- apparently the capital Q makes it sexier?

Ménage a Trois Red Blend, White Blend, or Rose ($11): I am not sure how your Valentine might take this little innuendo. Depending on your mate’s preferences a glass of this is either going to end up in your face or may just lead to your best Valentine’s Day ever. Either way this is a great little wine that is very popular and not just with the open-minded crowd. I have often wondered if the cute, grey-haired lady buying this wine just has no clue, or maybe her idea of “playing bridge” is a little different than yours or mine?

Gnarly Head Zinfandel ($10): Either as a question or a statement, I think this one is pretty self explanatory. Since my Mom reads this, I choose not to expand.

Sweet Bitch ($10) : This “sweet Merlot” (kind of an oxymoron, but oh well) can have many purposes. Maybe you use the “B” word as a pet name for that special someone? Or your girl broke up with you and you want to voice your displeasure, while also hoping for a future reconciliation?! All I know is that this wine sells out all of the time, so someone obviously likes it. I personally would not recommend this one for Valentine’s Day, but the name is just funny enough that I had to add it to the list.

Monogamy Chardonnay or Cabernet ($12): Made by the same company as PromisQous, on this day in particular, let me just go ahead and suggest that a lot of people out there would appreciate a bottle of this versus the other label. If it is still a question, this website (monogamywines.com) even provides you with a quiz just to be absolutely sure. I say, if you need the quiz, maybe you just skip this bottle, but otherwise you have a definite winner!

Carnival of Love ($88): You better be pretty damn serious about someone if you are going to hand them this bottle for Valentine’s Day at this price! It sure is a delicious bottle of wine though. From the incredible repertoire of Molly Dooker wines whose praise I sing all of the time, this wine is just plain old amazing! You could maybe even MAKE someone fall in love with you with this bottle!

Hot Sex, Sex on the Beach, Bananas for You: If wine is not your thing, there is an assortment of cordials that also offer some interesting Valentine’s Day sentiments. Instead of being wishy-washy, these pre-made cocktails get straight to the point. They tell you what, where, and even offer up a cute little sentiment straight off the poster in your doctor’s office.

I am well aware that this article is silly and filled with a bunch of fluff but really so is Valentine’s Day! In all seriousness, if you are actually putting some thought into a nice bottle of wine for Valentine’s Day and realize that Boone’s Farm and Arbor Mist are not very romantic options, you are already way ahead of the game. I, for one, got my husband a ticket to Motorhead!

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