An Experience From After War

By Kristin Proell
Contributing Writer

I remember my first time: I am with a 3-year-old girl named Ellie. We are closing a gate to keep an enormous, muscular stallion in his pen. I hear a weapon boom behind me. My training immediately kicks in; I grab Ellie, the weapon continues to fire behind me, I protect Ellie with my body as I dart to cover (the house). Ellie, afraid of what is happening, begins to whimper. After arriving in my grandmother’s well-lit kitchen, I realize we both have tears gushing down our faces. Family and friends crowd around the table and immediately shift interest to Ellie and myself. Ellie’s grandmother comforts Ellie in her arms. My grandmother does the same to me.

“The weapons won’t stop,” I blubber.

My grandmother yells, “Bob, go to the neighbors.”

Bob, my grandfather, calmly strolls into the kitchen, glances at me and, remembering his return from Vietnam, rushes to his truck and speeds to the neighbors’ house.

This experience was the first of many signs to show my family that I was experiencing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

According to Dr. Terence Barrett, owner of Discovery Counseling, PTSD is a nervous system reaction based on a traumatic event.

“The nervous system reacts to the event. I don’t emphasize the idea that it is a disorder. I emphasize that it is a reasonable reaction of the nervous system. It’s designed to do what it does to an event that is out of the normal range of stress,” Barrett said.

Someone suffering from PTSD acts differently than they did before the trauma. They can display symptoms of being angry, irritable, withdrawn and depressed, according to an April 10, 2009 Mayo Clinic article. Victims of PTSD may also avoid talking about the event. PTSD disrupts a soldier’s life, job, relationship and enjoyment of activities, according to Mayo Clinic. The disorder also alters a soldier’s emotions, causing them to be all over the place or the soldier to act in ways they normally would not act. “Kristin is very, very, very impatient sometimes and at others, she’s super patient,” my boyfriend, Jacob Berg, said. “She has crazy mood swings, road rage and other severe symptoms.”

My mother, Robin Proell, had another observation to add, “She became quiet, often nervous and took dangerous risks after the deployment,” she said. PTSD symptoms may disappear, but return during high stress situations or after experiencing memories of the deployment according to the Mayo Clinic article. An example of this may be hearing a vehicle backfire that reminds the soldier of their combat experiences.

Treatment for PTSD usually includes medications and psychotherapy, also known as counseling, according to Barrett. Antidepressants may help with depression symptoms, anxiety symptoms, sleep problems and concentration issues. Anti-anxiety medications may help symptoms of anxiety and stress. For PTSD victims with nightmares, prazosin could help suppress the nightmares. Improvement in symptoms may occur as soon as three weeks according to the Mayo Clinic article. Counseling may be effective and help soldiers get control of their lives. Counseling may build self confidence and enable coping mechanisms with the aftermath of the traumatic event according to the Mayo Clinic article. “PTSD never leaves, but hopefully you can put it in a tolerable place in your life with time, caring and counseling,” Robin Proell said.

Often soldiers try to self medicate with drugs and alcohol, Barrett said.

“It’s not really alcoholism like we think of it—it’s self medication,” he said. “The person did not intend on over-using alcohol, but because it has a medicinal effect, it’s reasonable that they are using it. It’s just not going to work. It creates more problems than it does help and whatever help it is giving is short term.”

Like lots of soldiers, I went through a period of this self medication. My father, Leroy Proell pointed out my problem with alcohol. “She was drinking kind of heavy,” he said. “I was worried about her, and I even mentioned it to her a few times.” The words of advice never stuck, and I was arrested for DUI. I called my father from jail. “I knew right away she was in jail,” he remembers. “Worried about her staying there, but there was nothing I could do about it.” My father’s first reaction after the arrest was, “Well, kid’s gonna learn the hard way.”

When PTSD is combat or service related, Barrett’s suggestion is for that person to get to the Vet Center. The staff at most of the Vet Center is experienced with PTSD, he said. Much of the staff there are veterans, and even combat veterans. They’ve taken the time to get a degree, studying post-traumatic stress, studying counseling and working within the vet system, Barrett said.

“They have a really good understanding,” he said, “of not just the experience, but how to treat it. So that’s always a starting point for me is to go to the Vet Center.”

Military units today are also more aware of PTSD and encourage help and training to the soldiers.

“I also know this is a problem for many soldiers and their families. I hope with all my heart that they can all get the help they need,” my mom said, reflecting on her experience.

My mom remembers one of the times she saw evidence of PTSD in me. She was trying to make up for some lost time with me by going jet skiing and have some mother-daughter bonding. We hitched up the jet skis and went to town to fill up with gas for the days riding. We had just gotten to town, driving through the trailer park, when some fireworks went off. My mom thought I was going to go through the roof of my Envoy. She did not understand what was going on. My mother, being a civilian, knew it was nearly the Fourth of July and fireworks were a normal occurrence this time of year. I, being a soldier, freaked out, literally.

“She got all upset, starting crying,” my mom said. “I pulled over to ask her what was wrong. Then she explained that she thought it was weapons firing. I grabbed her, hugged her and told her I loved her that everything was going to be OK she was at home and safe with her mother. We just sat there for some time and settled down.”

After that, the happy day we had planned had gone south; I was quiet and reserved the rest of the day. We did fuel up and go to the lake, but my mother could see I was visibly upset. I drove the jet ski at reckless speeds. Mom caught up to me and told me that was too dangerous, and I shouldn’t go that fast. We stayed for a couple of hours and both went home in a somber tone for the rest of the day.

“This is just one of many events that have affected my daughter,” my mom said. “I thank God everyday for my daughter and I love her with all my heart, and I hope she will be able to move forward and make progress with her PTSD.”

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