Make the Yuletide Gay

By Joshua A. Boschee
Staff Writer

‘Tis the season to celebrate with friends and family. This time of year, there are plenty of reasons to gather and appreciate each other. Eid al-Adha, Thanksgiving, Boxing Day, Hanukkah, St. Lucia’s Day, Winter Solstice, Los Posadas, the Barley Pop Party, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Years and Ryan Seacrest’s birthday are just the more popular reasons.

I’ve already spent two of the last three weekends with family and plan to be in Minot for two more weekends in the next five weeks, which means I grace the Magic City with my presence more in eight weeks than throughout the rest of the year. Like many of you, I have learned how to successfully, and at times, painfully, survive the holidays with the family that fate (or some higher power) assigned me to.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family and would do almost anything for them, it’s just that there are only so many times you can talk about the difference in weather patterns between Fargo and Minot or which family member is getting screwed on their Medicare statement this month. It is a rare occasion that anyone at the dinner table dares to bring up anything related to politics, religion or world affairs. I should also note that ever since penning my Coming Out Letter to the family, only one aunt has ever asked if I had a “special somebody.” The rest of the family doesn’t seem as interested in hearing about any potential husband that I may be bringing to the next family gathering.

Some of my gayest family moments occurred during the holidays, and no one seemed to notice then.

For example, a number of years ago I traveled with my grandma to visit my aunt, her daughter, and family in Colorado Springs for Thanksgiving. I don’t recall my age, but I’m pretty sure I was somewhere between eight and twelve. For the sake of humility in this story, I am hoping it was closer to eight. At the time, I had two cousins that lived in Colorado Springs, both younger than me. I ended up playing a lot with Brittany, who enjoyed playing with her Barbies. While shopping at some store with Grandma, I asked if she would buy me an Aladdin doll that I found on the shelf. She knew I liked Disney movies; I wanted it so I had a doll to play with Brittany.

Grandma informed me that I didn’t need any new toys so close to Christmas. This led to me throwing a diva tantrum, inclusive of tears, as Grandma walked away from me.

Fast forward to Christmas Eve at my parent’s house, where all the family gathers for our traditional gift opening. We begin with each individual opening one gift in front of everyone, beginning with the youngest child and ending with the oldest family member. I was about fifth in line and selected a gift from under the tree from my grandma. I ripped off the giftwrap, in true Christian child fashion, to discover the Aladdin doll I had cried tantrum tears over. Grandma was so proud that she had gotten me something I wanted so badly. I was embarrassed to be a boy receiving a doll in front of my entire family.

Another holiday gift exchange found me the lucky recipient of a satin, turquoise nighty from my aunt. I hadn’t told her what I wanted for Christmas and she knew I liked the color green. So, of course every male teenager who likes the color green needs a satin nighty.

As I was preparing to come out to my family, I toyed with the idea of telling each person individually or drop the “I’m a homo” bomb in between the annual holiday talk of the weather and Medicare statements. I often practiced while brushing my teeth.

“Excuse me dad, I’m gay, can you pass the cranberries?”

Or “Grandma, I really like your new sweater. I think my boyfriend’s mom has the same one!”

And my personal favorite: “What time is Christmas lunch tomorrow? There’s this really great guy from Gay.com that I am going to meet up with afterwards, but want to make sure not to double book myself.”

I defaulted to the mass letter, mailed to them all individually. I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s holiday spirit.

Feel free to share your favorite family, holiday moments. I know you have some good ones!

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