By Spencer Dobson
In an effort to maintain North Dakota’s robust economy and hopefully to raise the state’s profile at a national level, North Dakota Governor Jack Dalrymple has signed a bill that would make it legal to smoke marijuana in the State of North Dakota, as long as the Marijuana was smoked out of a North Dakota-grown potato.
The idea sprang from increased sales of North Dakota Red Potatoes to Medicinal Marijuana facilities in California, where the spuds are prized for their affordable price, low carbon foot print and the robust, almost nutty notes the potatoes add to the flavor of pot smoke. “Glaucoma Patients” in San Francisco have started to take their “medicine” (medicinal marijuana) by smoking it in a potato carved like a pipe, a practice known as in the region as “Burning a Nodak.” Upon hearing of the upswing in local product sales and the coining of a term involving the state, the governor immediately decided this was a chance for the state and the state’s farmers to cash in.
“We could be the next Phillie Blunts!” the Governor exclaimed.
Marijuana Dispensaries, similar to those found in California and other states, would be opened across North Dakota. One difference from other legalized marijuana dispensaries is that the user would not need a card from a doctor, indicating that they had a medical condition; they would simply need to buy a potato with the marijuana and then convert the potato into a smoking device.
A regional manufacturer of pumpkin carving kits has also being commissioned to make a “potato pipe carving kit” that would include a small knife, a screen and directions on how to carve a pot pipe out of a potato, in case the purchaser didn’t go to junior high school and for some reason doesn’t know how to carve a pot pipe out of virtually any fruit, vegetable or object on earth.
“It’s a way to keep the kids involved in the local economy,” the governor said. “At first they’re only in it for the benefits they get from smoking the marijuana, the giddiness, the light feeling, but once they’ve finished they’re going to get hungry, and what have they got right there in their hand? A North Dakota Red Potato, that’s what. They can bake it, although at that point it would be a twice baked potato, or do any of the other hundreds of things you can do with a North Dakota Spud. You may not be able to smoke in the bars, but from now on you can burn a Nodak in the street!” staring at this reporter with glassy eyes and a grin that could only be described as doofusy.
“But if you don’t smoke your damn demon dope in a North Dakota Spud I’ll send your ass up the river so fast it’ll make your head spin,” the governor said. “You got that Hippy Dippy?....Hey! M&M’s! I love them, do you love them? Oh my God, they are so good!”
And finally, in closing, just kidding.
- Members only features
- Members can email articles, add articles as favorites, add tags to articles and more. Register now to unlock additional features.