Out of the Darkness: Suicide Walk Takes Steps to Recovery

On an average day in the park three years ago, a group of 250 met to take a walk in the sunlight. They joined together, walking through the trees of Island Park, holding signs and pictures. But more importantly, they held the memories of friends and loved ones in their hearts—it was for them that they had come that day.

At the first Out of the Darkness Community Walk (in ND), participants found themselves surrounded by hundreds of others who had experienced a loss and been thrust into the darkness left in the wake of suicide and depression. It was time for this darkness to give away to the light, thought the walk organizers. Time for these people to realize they were not alone.
This simple walk in the park became the humble beginnings of a movement now spreading rapidly across the state. This year nearly every major North Dakota city has a walk to call its own. “There is that whole thing about good comes out of tragedy,” said Walk organizer, Mary Weiler.

This is one of those stories.

It Started With Jen

Jen was six, and today was going to be her very first day at school. Her school was just a few blocks from home. Jen’s mother walked with her to the front doors. All was well, until the bell rang and this little girl’s stubborn streak kicked in. “I am not going in!” Jen declared loudly. A teacher came outside to help Jen’s mother to no avail, “I am not going with you. I am not going to kindergarten. Ever, ever, never!”

The first day at school is a special one for many mothers. For Mary Weiler, the memory of Jen’s first day is a truly special one now that she is gone.

“Jen was a very original person.  She was very talented, excellent musician, feisty,” said her father, William Weiler. She didn’t lose that stubborn streak either, simply applied it to her social conscience. Jen would befriend those around her that she felt needed friendship most, a constant defender of the downtrodden.

At school, Jen pushed the students around her into recycling their cans by putting together receptacles that wouldn’t allow anything else in. Basically, “She started the recycling program at South herself,” Mary said.

Jen began to feel the weight of depression near the end of high school, and through college. She was a tremendous flutist and practiced often, but she would lose much of the use of her wrists and hands. This loss also took away from her gardening hobby and eventually made her work, as a finance officer for Bridging, a non-profit agency in the Twin Cities, very difficult.

“You would have to say that she covered a tremendous amount of space in her short life. But at the same time that life, because of her depression, always kept getting smaller, in terms of satisfaction maybe on her part. She would feel pressures that would build up within her so often,” William said.

While Jen was away in the Cities, there were many calls home. Long talks with both Mom and Dad, about the feelings that were weighing her down. Jen was also seeing a counselor, but her personal convictions prevented her from taking some of the medicines offered her.

On October 6, 2005, Jennifer died by suicide.

“The thing that always bothered me the most after Jen died, was that I always thought I could talk her out of her depression, but I guess that I wasn’t successful,” William said.  Here Mary stops her husband, “The times she needed it, you were.”

The First Steps

The loss of Jen was a momentous moment for the Weiler family. Mary and William had lost a daughter. David, Kathleen, Michael, Daniel, Sarah, Brenda and Mark had all lost a loving sister. The family was left with the pain all deaths leave, but also with the difficult feelings thrown in by suicide.

“I think for survivors, the guilt is so strong. But when you look back, the thing is, at this moment you have more information.  It’s hard to remember that. Because if you had all the information you do now, you would have done something differently. That is where all the guilt comes in,” Mary said.

Survivors of suicide must also wrestle with the stigma of the disease. Along with depression, suicide is an issue that many find difficult to talk about and deal with. So when the Weiler family discovered the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), and the Out of the Darkness Walk online, they knew they were on to something.

“We started working on the walk in July and it was held in September. So we had a really short, short period of time to get the walk going. So we spent a lot of hours, a lot, just getting organized, to try to do it,” Mary said.

The Weilers’ showed up to Island Park, expecting little, “We thought, we get 100 people, we’ll be lucky,” Mary said. “It’s an issue that is so stigmatized, and so private, and looked upon in such a negative way, that we thought people would not take the risk to even come out publicly.”

But there they were all 250 people in the park ready for the walk. “When we got down there, on that day, we were just all amazed by the people coming into the park,” Mary said.

That first walk was full of emotion, tears; even celebration of loved ones lost. “There was an interesting phenomenon with the young people,” said William. “These young people, boys and girls, sort of banded together almost like a cheering section. They were purposely making it—it seems strange—fun.  It was really quite moving.”

People who had never been able to truly speak about their loss and feelings came forward to find some peace at the event.  Near the end of the walk, many started to realize, this was something that needed to be repeated.

“A lot of people afterwards talked to us and said, ‘We’ve got to keep doing this. Whatever you need, we’ll help you with. This is so important in this community,’” Mary said.

Now, this year, Bismarck, Williston, Minot, Grand Forks and Fargo will all hold an Out of the Darkness Walk.  Jamestown-Valley City may become the sixth Walk next year.

More Feet Join the Walk

“It was an extremely important opportunity to help and raise awareness,” said Susan Wagner, of the Bismarck walk, which will be hosting its second walk this year.

Wagner believes that it is important for all communities to work to reduce the stigma of suicide and promote awareness. “It is not talked about, people really have to realize that it is preventable. That it is O.K. to talk about,” Wagner said.

For Wagner the loss of kids is horrifying, “It’s tragic regardless of how old people are, but when I think of the young people—we have got to help them.”

Rick Townsend first discovered AFSP and the Out of the Darkness Walk through his wife. She had found an ad about a New York City national walk. To the couple who had recently lost their daughter Julie to suicide, the walk sounded both intimidating and exhilarating.

The NYC walk that the Townsends’ had found was a national AFSP walk, known as “The Overnight.” The event they attended was an all night walk, covering 20 miles of New York City. All participants were required to raise $1,000 in donations.

“It was one of the most emotional, powerful and even helpful things that we’ve done,” Townsend said.

Returning home, the Townsends’ discovered the local community walks in Bismarck. It was after seeing this event last year; they chose to organize their own in Minot. This walk was held just over a week ago. Over 415 walkers participated, raising over $30,000. “The folks at national are calling our numbers amazing,” Townsend said.

In Townsend’s eyes the walks are truly healing, giving survivors a chance to share their stories with the community, and find that there is support available.

“When you see 400 and some people walking, the line just goes on and on. And it was just an amazing day. It was an amazing event,” Townsend said.

Along with the walks, a statewide chapter of AFSP has been organized. This chapter works at many of the same goals of awareness and support that the walks do. In the chapter’s first year they received the “Outstanding New Chapter” award at the national AFSP convention. A year later they were awarded the title of “Chapter of the Year.” Mary and daughter Brenda were there to receive the honors.

“We both just stood up at started crying, balling, and cried all the way up to the podium to get our award,” Mary said.

‘A Beast of a Different Color’

An overwhelming majority of those who complete suicide suffer from major depression. Depression is a disease, but it is not like the average off day, or dip into the blues. Depression is an entirely different thing. It is “a hole so deep that you don’t think you can ever get out,” said Townsend, a psychologist with Dakota Family Services.

Depression attacks your brain, taking much of its ability to experience pleasure, to feel happy. But unlike cancer, diabetes, heart disease, this deadly monster comes with a dose of shame and stigmatization. This stigma often prevents those suffering from depression from seeking help.

“Depression really is a beast of a different color,” Townsend said. Though beating this beast does not require a knight in shining armor riding in on his white stead to save the day.  “Depression is one of the most treatable medical conditions,” Townsend said.

Finding someone to talk to—anyone—can be the first step. One of the purposes of the walks is to let people know they don’t have to be afraid to take the first steps to getting help. They do not need to walk the path alone, and in the dark.

“You are not a weak person if you seek help. You are strong,” Wagner said.

Getting Help

Like many diseases, depression comes with several warning signs to watch out for. They are important to know if you or anyone you know is experiencing them. Insomnia, loss of pleasure, sadness that won’t lift, and a loss of energy are all, but not the only, signs of depression. People experiencing them should not feel ashamed to seek help.

There is help available across the state, for both survivors of suicide and those experiencing depression.

For survivors help is available through the walks, but also in smaller support groups. To find them visit the AFSP Web site at http://www.afsp.org. Or in Fargo, contact Mary Weiler at (701) 219-4110, .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

Help for those suffering from depression can be found in clinics all over the state, including Prairie St. John’s in Fargo. Right now through Sept. 25, NDSU is offering free and anonymous depression screenings at the Counseling Center (Seres 212). The AFSP also provides a crises hot-line at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

This Year’s Walk

The 4th annual Out of the Darkness Community Walk will be held this Sunday, September, 27th. The walk will begin at 2 p.m with registration starting at 1 p.m. This year’s walk will be held in Lindenwood Park. To register for the walk visit http://www.outofthedarkness.org.