Shattering the Silence about Suicide

By John Showalter
Contributing Writer

It’s a subject that rarely gets broached in public settings because of a subconsciously felt duty to maintain etiquette and propriety, but this subject is also a tragedy that profoundly affects anyone around it. Of course, the subject I am speaking about is suicide.

For being a specter of a tragedy that is occasionally brought up in the news or dramatized and/or romanticized in movies and television, suicide (and mental illness in general) are subjects where many remain relatively uninformed or purposely ignorant.

But that is something that Maria Willits seeks to change. From the moment I sat down to interview her I could tell that she carried an endearing combination of willpower and compassion. After the personal tragedy of losing her oldest son Jose Rodriguez-Carrillo, affectionately known as ‘Ricky,’ she made it her mission to bring increased awareness to suicide and mental health issues in general through her annual ‘Shatter the Silence’ event.

Ricky was a bright, affable young man who kept himself out of trouble and was a kind and loyal friend to all who knew him in the small town of Downer, Minnesota. Though suffering from some anxiety issues since around age 15 (which had been addressed by a psychiatrist), he still sought the most from his high school experience.

Unfortunately, his friends and family would hear the worst news possible the day he ended his life a mere month before his high school graduation. It is a period of Willits’s life that she still remembers vividly and that will stay with her for the rest of her life.

Willits said that in the months leading up to his passing away there was no real drastic change in his behavior. “He never quit hanging out with his friends. He was always wearing a big smile. He continued planning for his future. There was almost no way to tell,” she said.

It wasn’t until Ricky’s last three weeks that he started acting noticeably different. He broke off the relationship with his girlfriend and, over the passing days, seemed to be struggling with the separation. While he was around his friends he was much more quiet than usual, not exhibiting his usual vigor.

He was irritable from time to time, and Willits said he ‘flipped his lid’ at one point. When his father asked whether he was excited about his upcoming graduation Ricky said, “Not really. So I graduate, and then I go to college, and then I look for a job, and then I get old and have to have someone wipe my butt for me, and then I die.” This struck his parents as very strange. “They weren’t things kids his age worry about,” Willits said. She brought up the possibility of therapy sessions with her son, who, to her dismay, didn’t express much interest in the idea.
On his last day, however, Willits said, “He was in an awesome mood.” Ricky complimented her cooking and seemed much more upbeat than usual. That afternoon Willits would have a premonition of sorts, where she turned to her husband and said, “I don’t feel good.” It was a short time later that she would hear the news no mother wants to hear. “I can’t imagine how lonely and how sick he must have felt,” Willits said.

Because Willits worked in the medical profession, she was well-read and informed regarding these issues. And, like any person affected by the loss of someone through suicide, she inevitably wondered about what she could have done. Eventually, she reached the resolve to acknowledge that she had done her absolute best as Ricky’s mother to give him a good life.

“I could have guilted myself to death,” Willits said, but she had much more passion than to take that path. That fall she decided to create the “Shatter the Silence” 5K Walk. Any obstacles that rose along the way made way upon sight of her sheer resolve. The compassion and vigor she put into this event led many fellow townsfolk to confide in her. “I really learned how people are affected,” Willits said. She had a duty, and that duty was to spread a message. “You’re not the only one.”

Of course, this is just the beginning. Even now Willits is going through the avenues needed to transform ‘Shatter the Silence’ into a nonprofit event. Not only that, but she would also like to see mental health and illness more comprehensively covered in health class curricula.

“I don’t think, I know there’s a stigma around mental illness, especially in a smaller community. If you have to take medication for a physical problem no one thinks twice of it. But if you take medication for mental illness, people act like it’s all in your head and you should be able to handle it,” Willits said. She also thought that the pervading view that suicide was the ‘ultimate act of selfishness’ was completely ridiculous. “He was ill, he wasn’t in his right mind. There wasn’t anything selfish about it.”

Her words resonated in the very heart of me because I share similar views. I know what it is like to lose someone you know and care about to suicide, having lost a high school friend and had a brush with it myself. I have suffered from severe depression and obsessive anxiety. I would cringe at my weakness for having to take medication. That was until I learned that I wasn’t the only one. I wish Willits the best of luck with her endeavors because, as far as I’m concerned, she’s fighting the good fight.

IF YOU GO:
What:‘Shatter the Silence’ is a 5K (3.1 mile) walk
When: 8 AM, Saturday, July 9
Where: American Legion Memorial Park in Rothsay, MN. 
Cost: Registration begins at 7 AM.  Registration is free for those five and under, $5 for those 6 to 14 years old, and $10 for 15 and up.  Fruits, rolls, water and coffee will be available.  Donations are accepted.

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