Single White Female Seeks Loving Cat

By Riah Renee Roe
Contributing Writer

It’s a girl! It’s a boy!

These words, which may be a blessing for new parents, can be a curse for a transgendered person. Sadly, gender is medicalized; someone in a white doctor’s coat, I’m assuming a doctor, points at you and says, “You have a penis therefore we are going to make you a man.” Or “You have a vagina; you shall be treated as a woman.” These categorizations are what dictate our social rules and the way we are treated for pretty much the entirety of our life.

As humans, we like to keep things simple. We were not really given a rulebook containing these social rules and so we make them up as we go; much like a game of tic-tac-hopscotch. What happens when things do not go as planned? When, for instance, a person with a male body would prefer to be Elektra rather than Batman? This is called transgenderism. I recently came to terms with my transgender identity and now identify as transfemme gender-queer.

Many people might say that gender cannot be a simple construction because, if it is a construction, it doesn’t mean anything. They argue that there must be inherent differences in men and women that justify the way we treat each other. However, I beg to differ; many social constructions (like gender or racism) have very real ramifications and implications in our lives. Gender determines what we wear, how we act, and how we are perceived and received by others. Gender tells us what bathrooms to use, what products to buy and, until recently, who we are supposed to fall in love with. The “proof” for these constructions existence is their fluidity over time. Cross-contextual history shows that there has been variance and that no solid form of gender rules has existed in all places at all times.

Transitioning from a socially labeled masculine male to socially labeled feminine female causes a lot of interesting social encounters. The most recent of which was a man here in Fargo-Moorhead who very bluntly asked me after a short time of texting that if since I was transfemme it meant I was submissive and liked being treated like a… well no need to go into expletives.

I was utterly shocked for several reasons; the first of which was the clear boundary issues this man had when it came to women he had just met. However, I think I was more upset by the conversation that ensued after his question. My first response came from the inner feminist in me screaming “Regardless of what I am like behind closed doors that is completely separate from my femininity!” To which he replied, “Isn’t part of being feminine being submissive? Independent women are usually cold and unattractive and die alone after their fifth divorce because they neuter their partner emotionally.”

I guess the purpose of this article is a response to this man and all people (men and women) who think that in order to be a femme person I need to be utterly obedient and submissive to a man. The reality is that I have never been good at following orders; sure I will do something if it works in my favor but the reality is that patriarchal constructed oppression towards women through suppression of female sexual independence does not work for me. I would even go a step further and say that since women have been socially oppressed for so long that it probably is not working out so hot for most women. I mean hey, there is nothing wrong with a submissive woman as long as she has an equally dominant (and respected) sister.

Final Thoughts: Shakespeare once said “A dear happiness to women. They would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood I am of your humor for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.” Or in other words I’d rather be a cold, unattractive, independent woman and die alone than only exist as some sexist man’s toy.

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