A Brief History of Public Options

Good news for the Republic! The public option for health care appears to be off the table! It has been a little scary lately thinking that NObama was about to shove some crap government sponsored health care down our collective throats. During this whole “debate” I couldn’t help but be reminded of some terrible nightmares of the other socialist inspired plans the loony liberal left tried to sell us in the past. I know your saying, “William, why would you force us to remember the evils of the evil past?” But as we know, if you don’t know your history you are doomed to do it over again. So follow me and let’s take a look!

Philadelphia summer of 1731: Benjamin “stupid face” Franklin tried to start up a “public book store.” That summer he was quoted as saying, “I believe every human has a right to information and knowledge, let all who have a curiosity have access to words and pictures,” or some something like that. I can’t really remember. Luckily for us we had some good shouters back in the day and the motion was killed in the Senate. Imagine how many hard working book shelvers would have been put out on the streets and book stores closed had that gone through.

Chicago fall of 1820: Abe “wears a dumb hat” Lincoln thought of the genius idea of “public schools.” He must have been smoking pages out of one Franklin’s smarty pants books. “Every child deserves the chance to better themselves through education in order to become a more contributating smart person of society.”

Notice how no one ever brings that quote up when they’re on the Congression floor. After he got done with that one war, he was going to make this his main policy change during his third term. Luckily we had a real American terrorist hanging out at the theater. Just imagine a world where your kid has to sit next to a poor kid and probably gets taught evolution or some other type of “science” because it’s “required reading” by the government. Stinkin’ Lincoln what were you drinkin’ is right!

Washington Spring of 1933: Franklin “I care about poor people” Roosevelt decided that you should pay for your neighbors to have sidewalks and roads.

So instead of being an awesome dude who knows how to pour his own concrete when you see a pot hole, everyone just gives the government some cash and they’d do it. I think he wanted to call it “public works” or “the lazy man’s law.” By the way, what’s with these dudes and the word “public.” Sounds a lot like pubic. Am I right? Liberals still get pissed that this didn’t pass. Shut up and get an SUV you Prius panzies and deal with it.

Well that’s all the time I had for this week and I’m sure these three examples were hard enough for you to remember. Next week I’ll bring up the time they tried some more stupid ideas like a Government mail system or that really stupid idea Teddy “I ride my horse like a girl” Roosevelt wanted to save “land” and turn it into “national parks.” Which he wanted to use to carve a bunch of giant heads into the side of a mountain…. Anyways until next time, this is William “watchin your ass so you don’t have to” Block.

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