Beating Hearts, Yoga, and Uncommon Marriages

It’s too bad one can’t live at least a couple of centuries. The world is getting to be a more fascinating place every moment. We have University of Minnesota researchers growing rat hearts from connective tissue and the infusion of living cardiac cells in dishes which may be a precursor to growing human hearts. Dick Cheney must be following this research with some interest, although I’m sure he is chagrined that it was not accomplished in a private hospital with private funds. Do you think he would take a replacement heart if it were grown in a government lab? Stay tuned.

And then we had the little flap about the insertion of yoga and religion in various classes in the Fargo Public Schools. “No Yoga Without Religion” screamed the headline in the Fargo Forum. The letter writer wrote:“There is no yoga without Hinduism and no Hinduism without yoga.” As your muscles are stretching through a yoga routine, are they whispering to your psyche, “Go Hindu….Go Hinnduuu…..” instead of screaming in pain? I don’t know. Am I threatened by Hinduism if I do a few stretches in the morning? Our “Lutheran” dog Poochie always does a few stretches before going out in the morning to destroy our evergreen bushes. My God! Am I sheltering a Hindu dog in our Lutheran home? The Hindus have at least 330 million gods at last count.

Parallel Lines Of Thought

We also might think of a wrestling match where one wrestler gets on his knees in the middle of the mat while his opponent gets behind him. Is the wrestler promoting Roman Catholicism because he is on his knees? Will we have to change wrestling rules? If he prostrates himself on the mat toward Mecca after losing a match, is he a closet Muslim?

This whole episode reminds me of the therapist who asks his patient what two horizontal parallel lines he has drawn on paper mean. The patients says, “Two people having sex.” The therapist then draws two vertical parallel lines and asks the same question. The patient responds, “Two people having sex.” The therapist finally draws two parallel lines at a 45-degree angle and tries again. The patient says, “Two people having sex.” The therapist, in disgust, asks the patient why he has sex on his mind so much. The patient says, “I don’t know. You’re the one drawing the dirty pictures!”

At Least Make Sure It’s Not A Same-Sex Marriage

Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee said the other day he was opposed to same-sex marriages on Biblical grounds—and that it might lead to a man marrying two or three women (Was this a shot at Mitt Romney?) or perhaps a dog or other animal.

Well, Mike, I don’t want to rattle your “Christian” cage, but it happens all the time in Hindu India. Hindus worship multiple deities and hundreds of millions of lesser gods and goddesses. They also believe in the repetitious “Transmigration of the Soul” which allows them a continuing cycle of birth and death. Through “pure” acts in one life a person can lift himself to a higher station in the next one. If you really screw up your life, you can be reborn to a much lower station. You might go from being a CEO to a hog, for instance. Hindu believers are very tolerant of other religions, which is more than I can say for Catholic and Protestant fundamentalists who believe only Christians on good behavior ever enter heaven. This silly idea was best expressed in a New Yorker magazine cartoon. A tattered homeless type on a sidewalk is watching a well-dressed fundamentalist flying off to heaven and yells, “If you are being raptured, throw me your wallet.”

Because of the belief in the transmigration of the soul, the Associated Press recently reported that a 33-year-old man recently wed a female dog (No same-sex marriages in India!) in a very traditional Hindu ceremony, mainly because he believed he had cursed himself by stoning two other dogs to death. The stray dog named Selvi was chosen by the man’s family members. After bathing the dog, the family dressed it in a bright orange sari and a garland of flowers. After the ceremony the groom and his family had a big feast and the dog was given a bun.

Deeply religious Hindus in rural India often “broker” such marriages to animals, believing that curses will be lifted so when they die they may advance to a higher station. The Hindu god of dogs is called Sarama.

If Your Right Hand Causes You To Sin…

In case you feel the Hindu activity is a bit bizarre, I would like to remind you of the “Christian” case in Hayden, Idaho a couple of weeks ago when a man in his 20’s who believed he bore the “mark of the beast” cut off one hand with an electric saw and then cooked it in a microwave. He didn’t bleed to death because he put a tourniquet on his arm before turning the saw on. The Book of Matthew in the Bible has this passage: “And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

The AP story did not reveal what the mark was but I assume it was “666” mixed into the hairline. Neither did it say which hand, but one could assume he was following Biblical instructions. The hospital could not reveal whether there was an attempt to reattach the hand because of patient confidentiality, but deputies who found it in the oven said it was pretty well cooked.

The Marriage Of Bimbala And Debo

The Press Trust of India, according to Harper’s Magazine (November, 2007) writer Mischa Berlinski, covered the wedding of Bimbala Das and a male black cobra in a rural area. Bimbala is a thirty-year-old illiterate who suffered throughout her life with tuberculosis. She never was physically able to marry and had to be cared for by her family who tried medicines and temple visitations. Debo the snake lived in a huge anthill near Bimbala’s hut. In desperation Bimbala prayed to the gods and the snake-god came to her in a dream. The snake-god Debo told her “I’m with you. I am just testing you. Now, don’t worry. You will surely be cured.” She began to feel better immediately and began to interest some local suitors. She refused to marry any of them. She said the snake had made her promise to marry him. She said it made it impossible for her to marry another human being.

Her father Basu Deb had died when she was twenty. He had gained some notoriety by feeding and caring for Debo the snake when it was young. In that she was of a very low caste, she had to change castes in order to marry the god-snake. Her brother made money arrangements for her to be adopted by a higher caste family so she would no longer be considered “untouchable.” Her brother also mortgaged his farm and property in order to provide a suitable wedding ceremony. At least the snake-god did not demand a dowry. When asked if she was happy her daughter had married a snake, her mother replied, “We can’t disturb God’s work.” Bimbala had known the snake since snakehood.

Debo had been worshipped as a village god for about 12 years prior to the marriage. Bimbala had gotten used to having the snake close by and he would come when called to have a drink of milk. According to villagers Bimbala talked to and played with the snake (a 12-footer) and she understood the snake—and the snake understood her.

For the five-hour wedding ceremony Bimbala was dressed in a yellow silk chiffon sari flecked with red. A brass snake in Debo’s form was used as a stand-in during the ceremony because the snake-god could not be coaxed out of his anthill. The size of the crowd at the wedding, estimated to be close to 4,000 people and hundreds of animals, gives one an idea of how the Hindu religion is a guide for humans and their treatment of animals.

Before we laugh or criticize, we might think of a certain “Christian” snake in the garden of Eden.