Commentary on the Best-Selling, Least-Read Book in the History of the World

Commentary on the Best-Selling, Least-Read Book in the History of the World (Certified by the Gallup Poll)

The Bible quotes have been flowing locally like the Red River over flood stage ever since the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA) had their big assembly about sex, rampant genes and whose shoes were under the bed. At the same time we had the fascinating case of Caster Semenya, the South African girl-boy track star who possesses some of the parts of both sexes. I presume there must be a Biblical quote that solves all of his/her problem –- and maybe I could find it if I really tried.

But I got derailed from the search by the revelation, if I may use that word in a biblical sense, that European astronomers have found 32 new planets outside our solar system, making a total 0f 400 discovered so far. If these discoveries have anything to do with our religions and the Bible, please let me know.

I’m just agog over the facts. About 120 of the planets are considerably larger than our Earth. Six of the 32 recently discovered are several times larger than Earth, two being five times the size of Earth and one being five times larger than Jupiter. So far we have not had any messages from the 400 possibilities for life outside our solar system. Frankly, if I were out there on a planet which could observe Earth, I wouldn’t respond either.

There seems to be an awful lot of sex in the Bible – and some of it is just awful. I wonder if there is a Biblical expert out there who has come up with a figure of how much discussion of the benefits and drawbacks of the sex drive, or worrying about sex, or doing sex dominates Biblical pages.

God: The Owner, Publisher, Editor, Columnist and Beat Reporter

A local man recently outlined the thoughts of some Bible-thumpers with this rather definitive statement: “Like it or not, God placed every word in the Holy Bible for a reason. I believe the Bible to be the infallible, divinely inspired and only authoritatively written work of God. This means to me, the Bible is without error. I interpret scripture literally. To me, it is the Lord’s guidebook for my life. Although many men wrote the various books of the Bible, they were ordained of God to do so.”

I suppose it does make life simple if you can carry the books of the Bible around as if they are tablets of granite. I suppose God could supervise and play editor for the 171 major translations and the thousands of minor ones completed since the 14th century, but wouldn’t it have been easier if all men could have been “inspired” to understand every adjective and comma placement written by God in the first place?

The Old Testament was first written in Aramaic and Hebrew and the New Testament in Greek. These versions were translated into Latin in the 4th century and called the Latin Vulgate. This was the first Bible printed on the Gutenberg press in 1456, although some attempts to translate the Bible into English started in the 7th century. The first complete English translation was finished in 1382 under the leadership of John Wycliff. The Vatican was ticked by the attempt at English translations.

Complicating the interpretations of English Bibles is the fact that there are four major “languages” in English: Old (700-1066), Middle (1066-1500), Early Modern (1500-1800), and Modern Christian (1800-present). To complete my degree in English literature I was required to read Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales in Middle English. Try it some time. I think I “misinterpreted” a few words.

Can the Bible Be Without Error? Thousands of Translators Have Said “No!”

The King James Version of the Bible, the most reliable translation, was translated by 47 scholars utilizing what is described as the Byzantine family of manuscripts called Textus Receptus. Some people think the King James Bible is hard for the young to read because of the use of Elizabethan terms and grammar. There is a new King James Version completed in 1982 by 130 translators who “corrected” errors in translation. (I wonder if God was overwhelmed by the 130 experts correcting his work.)

The New American Bible translation was completed by 58 experts in 1971. The writers expressed the opinion that this was a more academic look at the Bible and is the most accurate translation. Over 100 translators worked on the New International Version, completing their work in 1978. Bible experts say this is the easiest to read. The Living Bible, basically for children, was finished in 1971 by James Taylor. It is an “easy” version of the King James so that young children can understand the Bible.

There are hundreds of other Bibles on the market, including the Dartmouth Bible. It’s described as “an abridgment of the King James Version, with aids to its understanding as history and literature, and as a source of religious experience.”

I have a copy of the Dartmouth because it was written by academics so it could be used by students of general courses, whether history, political science or literature. I also have a copy of The Guideposts Parallel Bible, which compares the four most popular translations in parallel columns. The four are The King James Version, The Modern Language Bible, The Living Bible and The Revised Standard Version. It is fascinating to see the difference among various interpretations of the Bible.

For those who think the Bible is “without error” and that it is infallible, there are many different versions to study. The Christian Right is now “interpreting” its own Bible, cleansing others of “liberal bias,” endorsing “free market principles” as parables, and giving advice to investors!

One critic did not hold back: “Dismayed by the fact that the Bible seems utterly to contradict their crazed, bigoted and preposterous ideology, U.S. conservatives come up with a clever response,: simply re-write the Bible…. Next up? The re-writing of logic. The re-writing of science… is in full swing. Man walked with the dinosaur! The Earth is only 3,000 years old!”

Phyllis Schafly’s son Scott is behind the Conservative Bible Project. He evidently learned bigotry, intolerance, and white supremacy from his mother. Remember when she was opposed to the Equal Rights Amendment for women? It is amusing that her son is working on a Bible when the discovery of the oldest hominid skeleton is making news.

At 4.4 million years old, Ardi (Ardipithecus ramidus) is 1.2 million years older than Lucy, the previous world record holder for our ancestors. Ardi was alive only 61.6 million years after the dinosaurs disappeared so she didn’t walk with them either. She was found with the parts of 36 of her fellow “missing links” between chimps and humans.

By the way , if you don’t want to spend a lot of time reading all of these Bibles, the Holman Christian Standard Light Speed Bible is designed to be read in 24 hours flat. You don’t have to be a speed reader!

Can One Accept Portions of the Bible While Rejecting Others?

The real enthusiastic Bible-thumpers say: “If you reject even one part of the Bible, you reject it in its entirety.” This answer has always bugged me. Corky and I have traveled extensively throughout the Bible Belt and we have never seen a big pile of rocks behind churches so the congregation could enforce Exodus and Leviticus.

It is curious that the Bible Belt leads the nation in divorces, hanky-panky and illegitimate children. Adultery requires stoning as does homosexuality.

Leviticus 20:10 (depending upon the Bible you’re using) says: “And the man that commiteth adultery with another man’s wife, even he… the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.” Is there something about “Thou shall not commit adultery” they don’t understand?

Evangelicals, particularly members of the Southern Baptist Convention, are concerned about all of the changes in Bible translations. As an example, the phrase “sons of God” was changed to “children of God” in The New International Version. “Brothers” was changed to “brothers and sisters.” God created “human beings” in his image instead of using dust to create “man.”

Well, what was Her real intention? What if He really liked “sons of God” and “brothers” instead of the religiously and politically correct versions endorsed by very important ministers and biblical experts and translators? Only He-She knows. In the 1984 edition of the NIV, Mary is described as being “with child.” In the latest TNIV she is “pregnant.”

Perhaps in the 1984 version Mary is “with child” because the child is walking with her. Translating accurately is a risky proposition, particularly when you have had others go through Hebrew, Aramaic, Latin and Old English translations. Heck, I’m basically just a troublemaker asking questions. One of our kids has me figured out. She gave me a placard with the statement: “It’s better to go fishing and think about God than to go to church and think about fishing.” At least it’s something to live by – but dying by it is another matter.

What Did God Know and When Did He-She Know It?

AP writer Richard Ostling wrote an article in the Tribune in August about a new religious movement called “open theism” which denies that He-She knows absolutely everything about absolutely everything, including the “total” future. Open theism poses two major questions according to Ostling: “Does God know everything? Does that knowledge include everything that will happen in the future?”

The literal interpreters would say that “classic” Christians (as opposed to liberal Christians) believe that God has foreknowledge of all future events besides knowing everything about the present and the past. The Southern Baptists worked very hard to come up with an all-inclusive statement: “God is all powerful and all knowing; and his perfect knowledge extends to all things, past, presentand future, including the future decisions of his free creatures.” Doesn’t leave too many openings, does it?

But the “open theists” look at Genesis 6:6 and say, “Wait a minute!” It reads: “And the Lord was sorry that he had made man on the Earth, and it grieved him to his heart.” If He-She was sorry and grieving, why did She-He fool around making man in the first place? I suppose this controversy will end up being a battle of the Bible verses colored by interpretations. People might be thinking: “There go those liberals again.” But a few evangelicals think there is something to this.

Open theists also examine Jeremiah 7:31 and ask: “If He-She didn’t even think about it, how can we say that She-He has perfect knowledge about the past, present and future?” In Jeremiah God sees children burned to death in pagan sacrifices and says: “I did not command, nor did it come to mind.” Sounds pretty fallible to me.

Ordinary Roman Catholics Are Getting Pretty Rambunctious

A recent Forum article about an abortion poll may also reveal there are a number of open theists in Catholic ranks. The survey shows Catholics view abortion much like the rest of the people in the country do.

A local spokesman said: “God has told us… that certain things are always and everywhere evil, including abortion.” A Catholic pro-lifer added: “Abortion isn’t a health issue in our opinion.”

A pregnant woman discovers at seven months that her fetus has no brain – and she doesn’t have a health issue? I guess a future-perfect God would have recognized her problem at conception and granted her a miscarriage. Some time ago I asked the local bishop in another column how he would counsel this woman. I never got an answer. I guess the bishop is an open theist.

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