Hamlet Said Women Are Frail. He Was Wrong

By Ed Raymond
Staff Writer
Hamlet was in turmoil because his mother Gertrude married her dead husband’s brother a short month after the murder of Hamlet’s father. He thought that women had a major character flaw. Hamlet should have known better. As Lady Astor said 400 years later: “I married beneath me. All women do.”  Males have yet to figure some things out.

The male wasp spider, for example, has a brain equal to human males who haven’t figured out that the body has only enough blood to operate the brain or the penis–-but not both at the same time. When the wasp spider falls in love he enters the female’s web and vibrates it.  Enticingly she assumes a sexy position. The male then thrusts a pedipalp (a sex organ) into one of two genital ducts in her belly. His conquest is short-lived, particularly the “lived” part. As soon as he has accomplished “the beast with two backs” and takes out a cigarette, she has enveloped him with a silky snare and soon has him for lunch. Frail female, my ass.

There is some concrete evidence that men may become an endangered species.

Testosterone may be adding to the problem. Our economy now is basically “indifferent” to size and strength except for pro footballers, weightlifters, Smackdown wrestlers, and celebrity bodyguards. Physical strength has often been a substitute for intelligence. No more. Hanna Rosin, in an Atlantic magazine article, says the “new economy values social intelligence, open communication, and the ability to sit and focus on a task.” 

These are qualities found more often in women than men.  I found this out years ago when I was principal at Fargo South High School. We had assigned study halls whether the students liked them or not. Occasionally an open revolt would break out, so we hired local college defensive tackles and linebackers as study hall “supervisors,” thinking that strength would win out. Wrong! After several physical confrontations, we replaced the 6’ 7” 300 lb. tackles with 5’ 1” 110 lb. women. They had learned that sweet talk, refined words, and social intelligence would generally win out over bulging biceps, frosty glares from on high, and threats to do bodily harm.
Would Estrogen Have a Different View Of Iraq and Afghanistan Than Testosterone?
There is no doubt that men have gotten us into the mess the world usually is in because we dominate the political scene. The fact is that brawn, aggressiveness, and sexual frustration has never provided a sense of equilibrium. Look at all the wars caused by the penis or a warped brain on half-power. The celibates of the Roman Catholic Church have no doubt caused or encouraged more wars in North and South American (and European) history than any other group of frustrated, sexually imprisoned men. Whenever we mix politics and religion we either burn people at the stake or burn men in trenches or foxholes.

Men hate more than women do–and women are more practical about it. Zsa Zsa Gabor typifies the female approach.  When asked what her occupation was, she replied, “Actually I’m a housekeeper. Every time I get divorced I keep the house.”  On the idea of hate, Zsa Zsa also had a practical answer: “I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back.”  That’s what estrogen is all about.
The Lady Versus the Countess
Duels have been fought for centuries to settle new and old scores, personal insults, property “rights,” and slurs about the reputations of women—the most popular motive for duels.  Duels became very popular in 18th and 19th century America. In the 17th century, over 6,000 Frenchmen died in duels during just a decade of Henry IV’s reign.

Only one duel between women has merited much attention in history. Evidently, Duc de Richelieu had incomparable charm for two aristocratic women, Lady de Nestle and Countess de Polignac. Both lusted after him in 17th century France. They challenged each other and met with pistols in the gardens of Versailles. Both missed on the first round of shots, but in the second round the Countess plunked the Lady in the ribs, thus winning the match. History, alas, does not record if she also satisfied her desires. All I know is the Richelieus were filthy rich, so he would have been classified a Triple AAA investment by both women.

Dueling was popular in the U.S.in both Tombstone and Washington, D.C.  President Andrew Jackson holds the record for presidential duels, recording at least 14 in his lifetime. A man by the name of Dickinson had “insulted” Jackson’s wife Rachel. Jackson challenged him and killed him with one shot, but not before Dickinson shot Jackson, breaking two ribs. He carried that bullet in his body for 39 years.

Very much like today, many political duelists had more testosterone than brains. In the 1800s, Congressman Spencer Pettis challenged Postmaster Major Thomas Biddle to a pistol duel at five feet because Biddle had called him “a bowl of skimmed milk.” Both died instantly.  I would venture they both helped the gene pool. Newspaper editors were often challenged to duels for what they had written or published in their newspapers. A 19th century San Francisco editor was challenged so often he posted this notice on his office door: “Subscriptions received from 9 to 4, challenges from 11 to 12 only.” He often went to lunch between 11 and 12!
When Generals Fight the Last War
Perhaps the best example of the ugly combination of testosterone and imbecility occurred in WW I in 1916 at the battle of Verdun. It is quite evident that the commanding generals hadn’t yet figured out the deadly quality of rapid-firing machine guns when the British-French forces attacked the German lines after a week of an intense artillery bombardment, even heard across the English Channel. Of the 100,000 Brits involved in the trench warfare cry “OVER THE TOP!” on July 1, 1916, 20,000 were killed and 40,000 were wounded, the heaviest losses in British military history. Eventually the battle of Verdun involved over two million men jammed into a 30-mile front. The total British and French losses, which moved the front line trenches only a skosh, were 750,000 men. What would have happened if women had been in command? Interesting to contemplate.

We Americans were no better when we look at the results of the Civil War where repeating rifles were first used.  In the three days of the battle of Gettysburg more men were killed (and women–Frank Mayne, alias Frances Day, was killed on August 24, 1862. Her fatal wounds revealed her sex ) than in nine years of war in Afghanistan and Iraq. Of course, we have only one percent of our eligibles fighting our wars now. We must protect the sons of Harvard, Princeton, and Yale for Wall Street and General Electric. In the Civil War, 75 percent of the eligible Southern men were conscripted and more than 60 percent of the Northern eligibles served. For $300 the rich who possessed Cheney-like fighting qualities could buy a poor person to replace them on the front lines. Eventually our Southern and Northern brothers managed to kill and wound a total of one million.

Dorothy Parker, my favorite female cynic, summarized this idiocy: “I am not a vengeful woman…possibly for the perfect working reason that if you just sit back and wait, the bastards will get theirs without your doing anything about it, and it will be fancier than anything you could have dreamed up.”
Do Women Really Hold Up Half the Sky?
There is no question that men have failed in governance world-wide. Look at the results. The list of failures would fill the Internet. Some countries are beginning to realize it and are taking steps to ensure that women at least have a minority share.  We are delusional to claim that we are somehow “exceptional” because of our “democracy” when we rank 90th out of the 186 recognizable nations in the world in the number of women in government. Among some of the sterling “democratic” nations that rank ahead of us are Rwanda, Uganda, Tajikistan, South Africa, and that paragon of female representation – Castro Cuba.

Men currently make up 83 percent of Congress-and the recent election may increase the total a little. According to a Chinese proverb, women hold up half the sky. Even the old Commie Mao Zedong agreed with that. If women do hold it up,  I’m surprised American women haven’t let it drop on the heads of men who are under it. American women actually make up 51 percent of our population but only have 17 percent representation in Congress. Since 1789 only two percent of our government’s elected positions have been held by women.

Other nations have learned that women are necessary, proper, and beneficial in the halls of power. Margaret Thatcher led Great Britain with distinction even if one did not like her conservative politics. Golda Meir was a very strong prime minister of Israel during tough times. So strong, in fact, that in an otherwise all-male government she was often called the only “man” there.

Of the 25 nations that have at least 30 percent female representation in government, 90 percent of them started out by requiring a certain percentage.  India requires 30 percent participation, France requires 40 percent of its private business board directors to be female. That’s why many French corporations have a female CEO.

Our good ol’ boys network continues to frustrate the few women in Congress. Senator Susan Collins, R-Maine, is trying to get Senator Tom Coburn, R-Oklahoma, and Senator Jim Demint , R-South Carolina, to drop “holds” they have placed on the building of a women’s history museum on the Washington Mall. Evidently Coburn and DeMint think white men should rule the United States. DeMint is a nutty Tea Partier and Coburn wants to kill abortion doctors. They both deserve a kick in the testosterone.
The Life Story of a Women Holding Up Her Part of the Sky
Here is a role model American women should celebrate. Kakuben Lalabhai Parmar was born in a rural village called Madhutra in Northern India. She was born into a caste where women were traditionally bound to the home. They were not to leave the village or the region.  She was married at 14, had seven children, and did not encounter a non-family man face to face until she was well into adulthood.  At age 30 she was given a tiny loan to start a business sewing patchwork embroideries for $2,000 satchels sold by Simone Camille. That was 20 years ago.

Over that 20 years she has become the chief family breadwinner and owns the title to the family’s cows. She also has a personal account with a microfinance credit union.
Parmar was recently asked to participate in a conference about microfinancng in New York City. She had her first ride in a jet airliner, previously she had only seen jets as contrails in the sky above her village. Just getting to the Indian airport would be classified as a once-in-a-lifetime adventure for most. Her rides progressed from a bullock cart, a trishaw bicycle, the flat bed of an old jeep, to an open-topped shuttle bus that dropped her at the airport.  For a woman whose signature is a thumb print because she is illiterate, she seemed to get along in the “Big Apple” rather well. She slept on her first mattress, experienced her first seatbelt and in-flight movie, rode her first elevator and escalator, and shopped at Walgreens. This baby has come a long way.

Parmar now travels the world by herself lecturing about how microfinancing can help the poor escape $2-a-day poverty. She takes taxis, visits world-class museums while “on the road.”  She seems to be holding up her portion of the sky quite well. She is not frail. And her husband sometimes serves as her secretary.

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