Professor Higgins, Popes, And Mullahs

Professor Higgins, Popes, And Mullahs: “Why Can’t A Woman Be More Like A Man?”

So Pope Benedict says Catholic women can never be priests because Jesus Christ did not pick one to be an apostle. Geez, maybe there was a transgender among the bunch. Maybe Paula? Maybe Judy? Why was Mary Magdalene the first witness to his resurrection? Just happened to be there? Didn’t an angel tell Mary to tell the boys about this unusual event? Do you think there might be a gender message there? Remember when women couldn’t fly commercial airplanes because of the stupidity of men? Are there any women jockeys? The Pope and his tired old men in the Vatican must learn more about women.

I would suggest that the Pope and his minions hold an information conference with conservative Muslim clerics from all over the world and have the two major world Talibans compare notes on how to keep one-half of the human race second-class citizens. These chauvinist pigs could even exchange position papers on how to accomplish this Herculean task.

Saudi Arabian clerics have urged King Abdullah to keep uncovered women (that’s just the head, folks) off Saudi TV. The Saudis are still under the influence of the Wahhabi branch of Islam who believe that the mixing of the genders is wrong (that is, until they get horny). Their statement: “No Saudi woman should appear on TV, no matter what the reason. No images of women should appear in Saudi newspapers and magazines.” These guys are so screwed up they allow women to perform surgery and to teach complex subjects—but they are not permitted to drive a car!

However, popes, cardinals and bishops aren’t any better. Although born of woman, they want nuns to carry on the scutwork of the church while they dine on steak and pomegranates. This easy life may be coming to an end. There are only about 70,000 nuns left in the U.S. and the average age is 74. At that age it’s even getting tough to genuflect, let alone scrub floors.

Sojourner Truth: “Ain’t I A Woman?”

The Vatican and Mecca boys at the conference should study thoroughly the truths in Sojourner Truth’s 1851 speech to a Women’s Rights Convention in Akron, Ohio. Sojourner, born in 1797, was an imposing figure of a woman at six feet—and an illiterate former slave—who could teach these guys a helluva lot about the other half. This was part of her talk to a group of ministers and theologians who opposed women’s rights:

“But what’s all this here talking ‘bout? That man ober there says that women needs to be helped into carriages, and lifted ober ditches, and have the best place everywhar. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or ober mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have plowed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain’t I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man—and bear the lash as well! And ain’t I a woman? I borne 13 children, and seen most of them sold off to slavery, and when I cried out my mother’s grief none by Jesus heard me! And ain’t I a woman?

“Then that little man in black there he says women can’t have as much rights as men, ‘cause Christ wasn’t a woman! Whar did your Christ come from? Whar did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with him. If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all ‘lone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it—the men better let ‘em. Obliged to you for hearing me. And now old Sojourner ain’t got nothing more to say.”

The Archbishop Says Abortion Is Worse Than Rape

Having been on talkshows for about six years and an observer of the pro-life community for too many years, I have always wondered why more men than women publically respond to the subject of abortion than the ones that have the babies. Is it because they can’t keep the zipper zipped? Do men feel collective guilt? In poll after poll, Catholics feel the same about abortion as Jews, liberals, atheists, communists, socialists, and Muslims. Most women would agree that if men were made pregnant, abortions would be free and paid for by the state.

In male-dominated churches such as Baptist, Catholic, and Muslim, strange things happen to women. Take the case of a 79-pound, four-foot tall, nine-year old girl from Alagoinha, Brazil who was raped and made pregnant by her stepfather. In Catholic Brazil abortion is legal only in cases of rape or when the mother’s life is at risk. The child was finally aborted of her twin fetuses at 15 weeks after a national uproar created by priests, bishops, and members of the government.

Brazilian Archbishop Jose Cardoso Sobrinho said: “The law of God is above any human law,” and promptly excommunicated all adults directly involved in the case—the two doctors who performed the abortion and the mother who allowed it. But Daddy, who had been raping the girl for years and who “directly” caused the rape, was not excommunicated! Way to go, bishop! You certainly are a valuable part of a church that allowed priests to diddle boys and girls for centuries without punishment. The “good ol’ boy” network is still working!

Incestual Daddy was finally arrested by authorities but evidently is still considered a little flower by his bishop. Both doctors said the girl would have died because her uterus was too small for one fetus, let alone two. At first the Vatican supported the excommunications, but the local heat was so intense on Brazilian bishops “to do something” they finally “overruled” the archbishop. The Vatican, finally realizing why they have lost the Catholic population of Europe, belatedly said excommunication was not warranted. A question for pro-lifers: What would Sojouner Truth have done? What would a local bishop have done?

“Why Are You At Harvard Law School Taking The Place Of A Man?”

Dean Erwin Grisvold of the Harvard Law School asked this question annually of all the women who were attending it during his tenure. Grisvold would invite female students to his home and tell them there was “concern” that admitting women to the law school would put all that valuable education to waste. (In 1964 there were 15 women and 498 men in the school. Now enrollment is about even.)

Grisvold did not make the women feel very welcome. There were no female rest rooms available. Another law school professor had a “Ladies Day” where women were called upon to answer legal questions, the only time during the year when they were questioned. The women were placed on a stage before male-dominated classes and “grilled.” Usually the cases involved women’s underwear.

Janet Reno, Elizabeth Dole, and Pat Schroeder were students during this time. Schroeder, who was later elected a congresswoman from Colorado, recalls that men sitting near her would stand and say they didn’t want to sit by a “girl” in class. Dole, later elected to the Senate from North Carolina, said she didn’t have any male friends at all because women were ostracized. Reno, who later was appointed attorney-general by President Bill Clinton, had an opportunity to get even with Grisvold later when as attorney-general she gave a speech at a legal dinner attended by him. She looked at him and said, “I trust I’ve used your education to good avail.”

I just can’t resist using a quote of Charlotte Whitton, once mayor of Toronto: “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.”

I would love to ask Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, a conservative Roman Catholic with Neanderthal tendencies who believes we should interpret the Constitution based on what it meant in 1798 (muskets—and women as chattel), why Christ chose Mary Magdalene to broadcast His resurrection. I also would ask him why he has chosen only two women out of the last 28 law clerks hired by him, especially when women now make up one-half of law school student bodies.

What’s The Difference Between The American Taliban And The Asian Taliban?

The Baptists, Catholics, and others keep women out of the pulpit and other leadership roles. The Muslim Taliban keeps girls out of school when they haven’t burned them down and bar them from most employment. If raped they must provide four “virtuous” male witnesses to the crime. If they fornicate or commit adultery they are stoned to death. They are the victims of “honor killings” if seen in the company of males other than family.

But it doesn’t end there. 

Thousands of Indian women are burned to death each year by husbands irate over the size of dowries or behavior. In Ethopia young girls are kidnapped and raped by men seeking young brides. Under Islamic law in Nigeria, Bariya Ibrahim Magazu was lashed 180 times for having premarital sex with three men—who had raped her. A 17-year-old Pakistani was recently sentenced to 34 lashes for refusing to marry a Taliban local commander—and Afghan men can now rape their wives at will according to a new law.

The British writer Rudyard Kipling reminded us in his 1892 poem “The Young British Soldier” what happened to wounded soldiers and their private parts in an Afghan war:

“When you’re wounded and left on Afghanistan’s plains

And the women come out to cut up what remains

Just roll to your rifle and blow out your brains

An’ go to your Gawd like a soldier.”

Women can be tough. I can picture the demure Eliza Doolittle reaching the point of emasculating Higgins as the Aghan women cut up Tommies. Eliza, Sojourner, and Mary are not second-class citizens.