The Decline And Fall Of Two Worldwide Empires

Listening to the rant of a few American bishops (32 out of hundreds so far) decrying the speechifying of President Barack Obama at the University of Notre Dame graduation this spring, I thought of another worldwide empire: General Motors Corporation, an organization over the last few decades that never wanted to face the truth—or someone else’s version of it. There are a few remarkable parallels.

First, both enterprises treat women with disdain and sometimes downright hostility. The Vatican says women cannot become priests (and incidentally bishops, cardinals and popes) because Jesus Christ did not choose even one to become one of the twelve apostles. That has to be one of the most ignorant blaspheming of logic ever foisted on the mother of all—Eve. Maybe Christ made women epistles, working off the old catechism story from a children’s joke that “the epistles are the wives of the apostles.”

All the hullaboo about Obama speaking at Notre Dame defies commonsense. Wouldn’t those bishops who Obama clobbered by 11 points want to learn something from him? How could pro-choice Obama beat pro-life John McCain by such a huge margin among Catholics? Of course, when Pope Benedict states that Hindus, Jews, Lutherans, Wiccans, Muslims, Southern Baptists and 2600 other sects can only reach Heaven by going Catholic, it’s hard to believe they can learn anything.

It is becoming quite evident that the good ol’ boys network in the Vatican are clearly worried about adding bathrooms for that other sex throughout the “administrative” complex, particularly to the headquarters of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, formerly run by Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger (known in that post as the Rottweiler), the present Pope Benedict .

In the good old days this organization was known throughout the civilized world as “The Inquisition” that kept women-witches and heretic-warlocks in line by burning thousands of their cohorts at the stake.

The Vatican Has Always Had A Fondness for Heat

A lesser known cure for heresy also involved the Inquisition’s fondness for heat. If there was a question about the loyalty of “supplicants,” priests poured boiling water down their throat or forced them to eat burning coals. The accused heretic was welcomed back to communion if his throat survived the cleansing. Today, heretical bishops and the women they have ordained as priests are automatically excommunicated. I guess that means they don’t even have to get a letter from that Rome address.

Canadian bishops recently excommunicated members of the Army of Mary, a sect founded by Marie-Paul Giguerre in 1971. She claimed she was the reincarnation of the Virgin Mary. Three sisters from the Monastery of Our Lady of Charity and Refuge in Hot Springs, Arkansas, a part of the Army of Mary, were excommunicated at the same time.

General Motors over the last few decades has also been guilty of listening to only half the human race. Did GM ever develop a “feminine” car? There are no women at the top echelons of the GM heirarchy, and only two women out of the twelve apostl… err, members on the GM Board of Directors.

Perhaps if the genders had been equal, one of the women might have said, “My God, you plan to produce the Hummer, that monstrosity that will get eight miles per gallon and take up two parking spots?! You’ve got to be crazy!”

Have you ever heard a woman say, “I want that car that goes from 0 to 60 in 6.83 seconds?” No wonder Chrysler creamed GM in the van market. How many men would choose a van over a pickup?

I have also read in technical journals that the main reason GM is broke is that they used 42 mainframes for their different new vehicles. They also had to build new factories to make it because they hardly ever used the same parts from other models.

How many mainframes does Toyota use to make all their vehicles? Three. That’s why they are now first in sales in the U.S. A woman might have been able to think of a dress frame and realize that hundreds of different dresses can be made to fit that dress frame.

Old Line Beliefs Chewed Up By Modern Science

American car companies, led by $20 million-a-year CEOs, have been getting their clocks cleaned regularly by $900,000-a-year Japanese CEOs for at least two decades because they concentrated on enriching shareholders and themselves. They never looked beyond the next quarter. The Asians kept building vehicles to fit the environment and the economics of the next decade. Sure, the Americans made money off gas-guzzling Hummers, SUVs, and giant trucks, but the Japanese and Germans stole the compact and mid-sized market from the Americans because GM, Ford and Chrysler made crap through the 1980s and 90s.

Honda and Toyota have consistently made the best performing cars for at least two decades. They seem to run forever while Americans are now embarrassed to be seen driving a Hummer. American women preferred Japanese cars because American manufacturers always seemed in love with horsepower, tail fins and NASCAR paraphernalia.

Women Favor Rational Approaches

Research on the differences in the thinking of men and women at Vanderbilt University indicates that women “reflect a softer, more rational approach to the law” and prefer to look at the totality of the circumstances. Women favor an “ethic of care” over “an ethic of rights.”

The researchers cite the difference in thinking between Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia And former Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. Although they are both conservative politically, Scalia emphasizes unchanging and unbending laws and rules while O’Connor has a wide reputation for flexible standards and an understanding of how the different genders reason things out. Scalia can be a real pain in the ass on the Court because he believes his thinking is superior while O’Connor brought people together while she was on the Court.

What if women had been equals in the boardrooms of Wall Street? Would we be in the current mess we’re in if women had asked male CEOs to define “credit default swaps,” derivatives,” and other fancy financial instruments that no one really understood?

Should Women Who Wear Pantsuits Be Stoned To Death?

According to Deuteronomy 22:5, “A woman shall not wear an article proper to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman’s dress; for anyone who does such things is an abomination to the Lord, your God.”

The Bible-thumpers have always wanted to do a stoning job on Hillary Clinton, the world’s most consistent pantsuit wearer, but only because she is pro-choice and a Democrat. Just what is a woman’s dress according to the Bible? Is a monk’s robe or a bishop’s cassock a dress? Pope Benedict wears white cassocks under embroidered red velvet capes trimmed in ermine and cute little “Santa” hats. But does he wear boxers or briefs?

The Pope has become a real fashion plate since the gray smoke swirled out of the chimney. It’s rumored he wears Prada sunglasses and red leather slippers. He can afford them. He lives in an enormous palace in the high-end part of Rome. Of course, the Vatican owns about 25 percent of all real estate in the city. I wonder how the Vatican explains that Bible verse about rich men passing through the eye of a needle. Will the embroidered ermine cape get in the way?

Could GM And The Roman Catholic Church Succeed If They Went Modern?

There’s not much doubt that American car manufacturers have been behind European and Asian manufacturers in assemby line and design technology for years. It takes hours longer to make a Chevy than it does a Toyota. You can’t make money that way. When Ford wanted to put out a hybrid vehicle like the Toyota Prius they had to buy a license from Toyota in order to use hybrid technology.

The same thing is true about the Vatican, which is centuries behind the thinking of its members—and former members. Actually the second largest group of “religionists” in this country are Catholics who have quit the Church. Here’s why. The Pope is opposed to embryonic stem cell research. Sixty percent of Americans approve it. The Pope opposes civil unions and same-sex marriage for gays.  Fifty-five percent of Americans approve both. The Pope opposes gay Americans serving in the military. Seventy-five percent of Americans approve having gays serve with straights.

Actually, Catholics respond in almost the same ratios as other Americans. Although 70 percent of American Catholics approve of the Pope’s leadership, 58 percent believe the Church should allow women to be ordained. Over 80 percent feel the Church’s position on contraceptives and condoms is wrongheaded. Only 12 percent feel abortion is wrong in all circumstances. Only seven percent believe divorce is not acceptable in any case.

A Church And Industry Running Out Of Leaders

The decline among priests and nuns is astounding. In 1975, there were 180,000 nuns active in the U.S.  Now only 63,700 serve the Church. In 1970, 58,600 priests served. That number went down to 41,449 in 2007, and 3,238 parishes were without resident priests.

There is a distinct possibilty that GM and Chrysler will go in the tank when the recession rubber really hits the road. Chrysler may survive if Americans buy it and give it to Fiat as a gift to the Italians. The CEOs and boards of directors were just plain Forrest-Gump, Keystone-Cop dumb.

At least the Vatican does not have to go economically bankrupt. It can sell sculptures, paintings, entire ceilings, and have terrific garage sales featuring popes’ clothing throughout the ages. Thirty-three years ago a Pontifical Biblical Commission created by the Vatican voted 12-5 that the ordination of women was “not against scripture.” If scripture is the “direct word of God,” doesn’t that mean He would welcome women as Jesus welcomed Mary Magdalene? But evidently Pope Paul VI lost his nerve and blew it. It was the last big opportunity for Catholic women to assume leadership roles in the Church.

We have to remember that it took the Catholic Church 400 years to apologize for its treatment of Galileo. It never did apologize for tearing out Bruno’s tongue and bricking him into a room without any doors. Of course, he wouldn’t shut up like Galileo did.

Neither has it apologized for Pope Innocent’s 1484 “Bull” (as in official statement, not s—t) that made witchcraft a heresy. “Witches” included midwives, traditional healers and any women that were unpopular with neighbors.

Nor has it apologized for priests creating a document (Malleus Maleficarum) in 1486 that attributed Satan worship to women, sending many to the stake.

Evidently, Pope Benedict is not going to call for another on women soon.