The Four Faces of Infamy:

Dramatis Personae:

Face Apathy—an average American citizen

Face Right—a right-wing supporter of Israel

Face Left—a left-wing supporter of Hamas

Face Truth—a supporter of peace, negotiation, compromise, and other wishful absurdities

AT RISE:

Unable to remain silent and do nothing while people were dying horrible deaths during the Israel-Hamas conflict in Gaza that began 27 December 2008, Face Truth called an emergency meeting to arrange a truce between Israel and Hamas.

Sitting at the head of the table, Face Truth waits for the others to be seated. Faces Left and Right refuse to sit next to one another, so after much jostling, Face Apathy takes the seat directly opposite Face Truth. Naturally, Face Right sits to Truth’s right, Face Left to Truth’s left. 

Face Truth:  Thank you for coming.

Face Apathy:  Don’t thank me. They made me come.

Face Truth:  All the same, let’s begin.

Face Right:  What do you want from us?

Face Truth:  I want to hear your sides of the story, so I can decipher right from wrong.

Face Left (pointing at Face Right):  It’s simple. He’s wrong. I’m right.

Face Apathy:  I thought you were Left?

Face Right:  He is Left and I am Right. And he’s wrong. And I’m right. 

Face Left:  I am both Left and right. 

Face Apathy: Ambidextrous eh?

Face Truth: Enough. You will all have a chance to present your case. I will draw a name from this hat to see who goes first.

Draws a slip of paper from a red, white and blue Uncle Sam-style hat.

Face Truth:  Face Right, you’re up first.

Face Right:  Israel has the right to protect its people. What nation wouldn’t make war on terrorists that shoot rockets at its cities, send suicide bombers onto bus loads of civilians, and make threats promising to wipe your entire people off the map? 

Face Left:  And how does this collective punishment of the Palestinian people help protect Israel? Last week a smart bomb killed not only a Hamas leader but also nine of his twelve children. What do you think those remaining three are going to grow up to be? Bankers? Lawyers? Poets? 

Face Right:  And how is a suicide bombing of innocent people not collective punishment? 

Face Left:  The Palestinians live in a hell called U.S. sanctioned apartheid. They are cut off from each other and live without a stable government or economy of their own.

Face Right:  But the Israelis live surrounded by people and nations who want them dead! They have been endlessly attacked since the beginning, and their enemies vow to continue attacking until they are exterminated. 

Face Truth: Enough! 

Face Left:  Mr. Truth, you’ve got a beard and long hair. You must agree with my side! 

Face Truth:  I agree with some of your points, but there is also danger in your thinking. 

Face Left:  How?

Face Truth:  By choosing to justify the tactics Hamas employs in response to Israeli oppression, you have civilian blood on your hands. 

Face Left:  Blood on my hands? What about him?

Face Left jabs a finger toward Face Right and accidentally pokes a daydreaming Face Apathy in the right eye. Face Apathy curses Face Left and pulls back his fist to punch him but decides a fight wouldn’t be worth the effort. He puts down his hand and instead grabs a bottle of ice cold Coca-Cola to hold up against his injured eye.

Face Truth (nodding toward Face Right):  I feel the same way about him. 

Face Right:  You hippies just don’t understand the harsh realities of the real world. 

Face Left:  Yeah and you corporate neo-cons don’t understand the simple aspirations of regular people. 

Face Truth:  Face Apathy, what do you think? 

Face Apathy (still holding the bottle to his eye):  I try not to. 

Face Truth:  Why? 

Face Apathy:  I have my own life to worry about. All this bullshit on the other side of the world is their problem. That’s how I feel, and I don’t care if you guys hate me for my views. 

Face Truth:  I don’t hate you. I envy and pity you to the extreme end of both emotions. 

Face Left:  I could never envy such ignorance.

Face Right:  I could never pity such sloth. 

Face Apathy:  Face Truth is an idiot. How can you envy a guy you pity, or pity a guy you envy?

Face Left:  He’s an agent for the Right.

Face Right:  No, he’s an agent for the Left.
Face Truth:  I may be an Idiot in the Myshkin sense of the word, but I am no man’s agent. I envy Face Apathy because his mind is free from concern for any difficult-to-solve problem, and because he has perfected the art of emotional distance: as death moves further away from him, the pain he feels diminishes. To lose a cousin is tragic, a countryman, sad. But the other hemisphere’s blood might as well be from the wounds inflicted in a video game on his X-box. With so much unnecessary death in this world, the ability to mourn selectively is a valuable skill. 

Face Apathy:  Speaking of my X-box, we about wrapped up here?
Face Truth:  For years, I only envied you. Then I saw the look in your eyes on that tragic day in our history—9/11/2001. I didn’t see fear or sadness or worry; I saw confusion. Ignorance is bliss until the shit hits the fan, then it’s nice to have a little background information. Because one of these days, perhaps tomorrow or maybe a million years from now, when those in-the-know are heading for the hills, you’ll be standing in the valley—dumbfounded—trying to figure out why the river is growing into the size of an ocean.

Face Right:  Good point. 9/11. That’s why we need to support Israel, our ally against terrorists.

Face Left:  You moron. You’re missing his point. Our support of Israel won’t prevent the next 9/11. It will provoke it. 

Face Right:  Who you callin’ moron? You goddamned hippies think you’re so smart. I went to college too buddy. 

Face Left:  Community college? 

Face Right:  I’m a lawyer you little prick. 

Face Right jumps over the table and lunges toward Face Left. They begin pulling the other’s hair and clawing at each other’s face, fighting like two drunk girls on a low-budget reality TV show.

Face Left:  I’m a lawyer too, you pig. 

Face Truth:  Stop that you two. Face Apathy, help me break them up. 

Face Apathy:  It’s not my fight. 

Face Truth:  But it’s everybody’s fight. Don’t you see that? 

Face Apathy:  Nope.

Face Truth:  If Face Left is telling the Truth, both of us—as American citizens in a Democracy that supports Israel both militarily and diplomatically—are responsible for the oppressive conditions that may inspire the next 9/11. And if Face Right is telling the Truth, you and I are responsible for letting terrorists think that horrific acts of violence will get us to back down, thus encouraging the next 9/11. This isn’t only about the other side of the world. It’s about your own back yard! It’s about New York City and everywhere else in this country. 

Face Apathy:  Fine. If you just decide who is telling the Truth, we can gang up—three on one—against the other one. We’ll curb stomp him, and then we can get some burgers and maybe catch the new Dane Cook special on Comedy Central. 

Face Truth:  But I don’t know who is telling the Truth! 

Face Apathy:  Shouldn’t you, of all people, the guy who spends so much time researching this and reading that, know who is telling the Truth by now?

Face Truth:  I thought so, but the more I learn the less I know. It’s like digging holes in the Earth to find water on the Moon. The faster I pull up chunks of Google dirt, the farther away I get from the answers.

Face Apathy:  Hey guys, you hear that? This guy can’t be the Truth. He doesn’t even know it. 

Face Left and Face Right stop fighting.

Face Left:  He’s an agent of oppression!

Face Right:  He’s an agent of resistance! 

Face Apathy:  He’s wasting my fucking day off from work! 

All Three:  Let’s get him! 

Faces Left, Right, and Apathy rush Face Truth and knock him cold before he can put his hands up in defense. For hours, they beat the Truth right out of him. 

When they are certain he is dead, they pick up some burgers and then meet at Face Apathy’s apartment to watch the Dane Cook special on the new hi-def TV Face Apathy bought with a credit card at 29% interest. He likes to joke that it was the most interest he will ever have.

[écrasez l’infâme]