New Prediction for 2012!

On Tuesday, infamous futurist Alexander Grant unveiled his latest prediction for the year 2012, posting on his blog his belief that early in that year there is a 99.9 percent chance that millions of people will still believe in hokey, simple-minded bull$hit like the world ending with the Mayan calendar or the writings of Nostradamus.
He also prophesied that many people are likely to continue believing in similar pseudoscientific garbage in 2013, 2014 and forever onward until they realize that just because some guy with a beard on the History Channel sounds like he knows what he is talking about doesn’t mean he does.
“I see a future where people read and watch things that are presented as though they’re proven fact and then accept and regurgitate this trash as truth without bothering to even Google, much less research, the contrary viewpoint,” Grant wrote. 
Staunch skeptic Harold Immerson rarely finds himself aligned with people like Grant, but in this case he couldn’t agree more.

“This is one prediction for the future that I am certain will come true,” he said. “That may be a first.”

In the past, Immerson has discredited every statement Grant has made by using annoying little methods like the scientific method and, at times, a little common sense.

“The Mayan calendar goes in cycles,” Immerson said. “There was a cycle before this one and there will be another after it. The Garfield calender my wife gave me for Christmas in 2007 ended too. The world didn’t end. I just bought a new one.”

Immerson also pointed out how Grant’s new and very specific prediction differs from those of Nostradamus, who was notorious for saying things that could apply to thousands of situations.

“In the East, a great Fire will burn in the Sky,” Immerson said, mocking a typical-sounding Nostradamus sentence. “That could be nuclear war between Japan and China or the sun coming up every morning. On a long enough timeline, it’s bound to connect eventually.”

Some have questioned why Grant would offer up a prediction that more or less admits that his previous work as a futurist is nothing more than the opportunistic drivel of a charlatan. Grant has answered those critics with one of the few honest statements he has ever uttered.

“I’ve been predicting the future for 20 years, and other than a few vague statements that can be loosely interpreted to look like they might be correct, I’ve never really had any of my prophecies come true,” he said. “So, by predicting that people will still believe in my type of ridiculous bull$hit in 2012, I am certain to finally get something 100 percent correct.”

Using a sort of logical Mobius strip, Grant believes that by correctly predicting the continuation of irrational human credulity, he will thereby cement his reputation as a true visionary, bolstering his future credibility when he returns to the craft of conveniently twisting the facts to support whatever nonsensical, gloom and doom thesis he can postulate.

“It’s clever,” Immerson said. “I used to think he was just an idiot, but now I see that he isn’t ignorant but rather the economic beneficiary of other people’s ignorance and intellectual sloth.”

He added: “Go buy his books, morons.”

Questions and comments: richard@hpr1.com