Honor Thy Father…

“Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!” – Lydia M. Child

Q: It’s Father’s Day. Do you think it’s a legitimate holiday or just another commercialistic ploy to sell useless junk? If you think it’s legit, why?

A: Yes, I DO think some holidays are silly, like Walk-your-Cat-on-a-Leash Day, thought up mainly to fill all the days on the calendar, but there ARE some holidays that I think are really sweet, and Father’s Day is one of them.

Father’s Day was started in 1909 when Sonora Smart Dodd heard a Mother’s Day Sermon (two years after Mother’s Day started). In Sonora’s family, it was her father that had raised her and her five brothers all by himself, so she thought HE deserved some acknowledgement as well. The date was set for June 19 because Sonora’s father’s birthday was in June. It’s interesting to note that in Rome fathers were celebrated in February, but only those fathers who were no longer living. According to ideafinder.com, in America today, Father’s Day is the fifth-largest card-sending occasion, with about 85 million greeting cards exchanged.

I personally love Father’s Day. All those ties, all those grills and wrench sets. It’s just different than Mother’s Day, isn’t it? Mother’s Day seems to be all about the love, the hugs, the nurturing, hearts and roses. Father’s Day? I can just feel the testosterone in the air, an honoring of the males that helped give us life, an acknowledgement of all that fathers do in the world. And that’s all just fine, but I think it goes beyond that, and it has nothing to do with garden equipment or monogrammed grilling aprons. It has to do with the necessity of balancing the energies in the world. That’s not necessarily speaking of men and women per se, just the energies that are found within us all – the feminine AND the masculine.

I think of the feminine as the quiet, nurturing, introspective energy that is the dreamer. This is the energy that is creative, and makes the blueprint for our soul. It’s the masculine that manifests the blueprint into the material world to create our life. I think of the masculine as the energetic, forceful, extroverted energy that is the doer. You need both the feminine and the masculine to create a balance in the world, and one is not any better than the other. They both are unique and serve unique purposes. So it’s nice to have a Mother’s Day to celebrate the feminine, and Father’s Day to celebrate the masculine.

When I think of my own father, I think of someone who is a hard worker, a very intelligent person who has always believed that with a lot of hard work you can accomplish anything. But he also has the most amazing side to him that is gentle, patient, kind, understanding, loving and nurturing. He, above all other men in my life, has given me the strength and power to stand tall in the world (in more ways than one). He is and continues to be an inspiration to me in the way that he stays curious about the world, interested in others, and always wanting to learn new things. And he respects all of us, his children, and cares about our lives, our thoughts and our dreams. Every Father’s Day I thank him for being my dad.

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.” – William Shakespeare

I understand that not everyone has had an idyllic childhood, so what do you do about Father’s Day then? I wrote a book a while back titled “The Trust Walk.” It was based on a true story of my father and I, in which we walked to the edge of a dark forest, where he left me to continue into the forest while he waited at the edge. Although I was scared, I knew he’d never leave me alone in that forest at night. And even now when I’m scared, I think of Dad, and his words that night – “Don’t worry, honey – I’m still right here,”
– then I know it’s all right.

I heard from hundreds of people that even though they’d had bad experiences with their own fathers, they were able to glean some comfort from my book because it helped remind them that they are never alone, and that there is someone who loves them always, even if their fathers didn’t, or couldn’t, love them. If that’s you, then I urge you to reach deep down this Father’s Day and think about your dad and his limitations.

Do you know what his childhood was like? Do you know what was important to him? Can you think of any memories with him that were pleasant? Have you been able to forgive him for any hurts he may have caused you? Do you two still talk? Is it possible to have a conversation with him now, or write him a letter? Can you tell him you love him? Can you find some way to have some peace around the relationship with him?

I think we tend to forget that everybody is doing the best that they can, even if you think their best is really crappy. Can you believe that about your dad? I urge you this Father’s Day to examine your relationship with your father, to look at your life to see how he’s shaped you to be the person you are today, and to find a way to celebrate that masculine influence in your life somehow. Hopefully you can celebrate WITH your dad, but if he’s no longer in your life, or is no longer living, there are ways you can still celebrate. Watch a favorite movie of his, cook a favorite meal of his, get together with family and tell stories about him. Keep his memory alive – he will live forever with you, no matter how helpful or not helpful he may have been to you. If you believe there’s a reason he was your father, then look for the meaning in your lives together. I think you’ll find that this holiday can become a very sacred time of year. I know it is for me. I love you, Dad. You’re the best.

“It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.” – Anne Sexton

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