Are bears held more accountable than frat boys?

According to The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), an analysis of FBI data from 2021-25, reveals that 89% of reported rape victims in the U.S. are girls and women. The “About Child Sexual Abuse” section on the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s website reveals that at least 25% of girls in the U.S. have encountered sexual abuse before age 18.

As a pre-teen, I remember being told to be mindful of what I wore. I was told that there was “good attention” and “negative attention.” I remember my grandma telling me her mother used to file her fingernails to a point “in case she needed them” and she continued to do that for as long as I can remember. She even cut mine like that with her little nail scissor that she kept in her nightstand — sharp and pointy, like a little cat. 

Those words of caution stuck with her. Those words stuck with me. And I guarantee similar words resonate with countless women. 

When I got older, I remember walking home or to my car, fists clenched with my keys between my knuckles, like some cross between Raggedy Ann and Wolverine minus the adamantium. (That’s a Marvel/X-Men reference. Wolverine is part of the X-Men and his bones were made of adamantium, which was some kind of fictional, man-made alloy — you know, like the stuff Captain America’s shield is made from, rendering him indestructible.) 

Golly, Sabrina — paranoid much?

Girlhood is a spectrum, from being warned to not be left alone with a certain uncle or cousin to making sure you don’t leave your drink unattended. 

Now about that drink. Why were you drinking? What were you wearing? Who were you with and why would you walk alone? We live in a society where we’re told to keep smiling when a smile, a nod, or even serving patrons is seen as an invitation for unwanted advances — or even being followed out to your car. Even if you’re not followed to your car (that time)  you make a quick glance in the back seat just to be sure, because how many women disappear each year?

Even when you move to a small town — maybe even your hometown — as an adult, you hear whispers about these dark secrets and learn about who to avoid. And if you really listen, you’ll hear the extra low murmur of the mention of the scandals of religious leaders, all swept under the rug, defended, so they’re still a leader in their community. 

Then there’s the men who see themselves as a white knight and say “That’s someone’s daughter, that’s someone’s mom, that’s someone’s …” Because instead of acknowledging that women are human, they must declare some level of ownership to acknowledge that they need to be respected and treated like a human. And in the same conversation they speak of women as a conquest.

You know, someone else’s daughter, mother, niece …

A number of years ago, I found myself bellied up in a central North Dakota bar. The man sitting next to me looked me dead in the eye and told me how much he hated women and that there should be a bounty on them. Meanwhile, his girlfriend (the bartender) served him another drink. I included it in an HPR editorial and we received an email from another woman accusing us of “fueling the war of the sexes.” 

Sorry you feel that way, girl. But thanks for the email. 

That sentiment fueled the notion that misogyny is alive and well among both men and women. Isn’t it a little more concerning that someone would suggest a bounty on half the population? I mean, he wasn’t even from Texas. God forbid we have the audacity to talk about these things, acknowledge that these mindsets exist and the fact that they’re problematic.

Speaking of Texas, the fact that we live in a country where women’s bodies are more likely to be governed than protected should be a real eye opener. Wake up America, we need a reset because half the population is under attack, and if we had more conversations — healthy conversations — about consent, we’d be a lot better off.

Men too experience sexual assault. Here are some numbers. According to RAINN, 11% of reported sexual assault cases are male victims and 87% of the male sexual assault cases are committed by other men.  According to the National Institute of Health (NIH) 90-95% of sexual assault cases among men aren’t even reported. Of all rape cases, 76% are committed by someone the victim knew.

The news cycle regarding the assault at Cornell University has been a real bear lately. And if you can’t feel the collective anger of countless women lingering in the air, your Spidey senses might be clogged. (That’s another Marvel reference.) This all really got me thinking about the hypothetical viral man vs. bear conversation circa 2024.

The main difference I see between man and bear is that the bear may experience a direct set of consequences for his actions. Which if you think of it that way, it only proves that there’s a higher rate of accountability for wildlife than frat boys. Now, we’re not advocating Chi Phi rugs by any means. But a bit of accountability as a whole would mean a lot less swept under the rug. And it really sounds like that rug needs a good beating.