20 Reasons Why 2020 Was. THE. BEST. YEAR. EVER.

Rubber Chicken | December 18th, 2020

By Will Block

aredsheep@gmail.com

EDITOR'S NOTE: Will Block grew up around a therapist. The year 2020 has been mind-bending beyond belief. We need some humor in all this darkness. HPR reached out to Will and he delivered. Don't worry. It's tongue in cheek. Chill. Laughter makes for a good remedy. Enjoy!

1. Toilet paper finally got some much-deserved respect. And Hoarding essential items actually felt pretty good.

2. The iPhone 12 came out-- In two sizes!

3. Highest eligible turnout for the Prez election. Making it so obvious that we're the best Democracy on earth.

4. No longer having to visit your grandparents on their birthday

.5. The #metoo movement finally piped down with Harvey in jail

6. Humans are still winning the great war on animals that don't make hamburgers. Remember that bluebird in RIO? EXTINCT! Those sweet Chinese dolphins clogging up the Yangtze River? EXTINCT! You go China. Probably get your bat population under control. . . I could go on and on, but I've got a word count limit to stick to.

7. America, month after month has shown off its justice system month after month. Jeffrey Epstein convicted and sentenced. I hope he rots away in his cell.

8. "Artists" were finally shown as the worthless coward they are. Can't show off in front of a crowd at a concert? No one will show up to the galleries? Can't make ends meet?MAYBE you should have developed actually useful skills in school instead of bragging how "You'll never work behind a desk from 9 to 5.” Have fun losing your girlfriends to people with actual jobs and an income.

9. Global warming is killing it-- I'm all for it now. Burn California burn! If you could just spread some of that wildfire to Chicago or New York that would be much appreciated. Not to mention those weird wildfire sunsets are pretty sweet.

10. Speaking of global warming, I love the increase in hurricanes. The footage is always amazingly addictive and gives news anchors a job. We exhausted the list of names for hurricanes this year... Incredible! We had to switch to Greek names. How cool is that?

11. 2020 hitting hard with the best and biggest firework display in Beirut. I had that one repeat after the footage came out.

12. 2020, easily divisible by 2.

13. School shootings were way down. You know 2021 is going to tag-team with the vaccine and bring that back in a big way.

14. Science and facts finally got told to shut the hell up and sit the hell down. Never invite people that like that stuff to a party. Huge downers.

15. Also found out who the true essential workers are and why they deserve their ridiculous salaries. Sorry Grocery clerk, I won't key your Tesla anymore.

16. Don't get me started on COVID proper! Earth kicks inits self-defensive mechanism to decrease the human surplus population. While the numbers aren't exactly high enough for my liking, it's a start. And talk about "the selfish gene" going into overdrive. Remember it's your right to refuse to wear a mask. It's in the constitution.

17. Speaking of decreasing the surplus population. Bet you forgot Ebola made a comeback in the Congo. Never give up

18. 2020. Thank you. You made being a white straight male awesome again. Oh let me count the ways! Back To the good old days of being able to threaten anyone with vio-lence and say whatever the hell I want. God, it feels good. Try to turn us into a minority again, I dare you.

19. Baby Yoda ate babies and it was the cutest thing ever.

20. The Greta mural got vandalized, the Grateful Dead mural got torn down, in general, art critics are everywhere.