How to Be a Transgender Ally

Colin Mochrie, of “Whose Line Is It Anyway,” recently became a trans advocate after his daughter came out as trans. He saw how hostile the world is towards trans individuals and wants to take a stand to show everyone that he, and his whole family, support his daughter.

This year, more than ever, we are seeing people standing up for transgender individuals. This is due to a greater amount of visibility for issues such as discrimination, violence and injustice that trans people face daily, especially trans women of color. Not only that, more and more people want to stand up and be an ally for the trans community, but it can be difficult knowing where to start.

I will first say that while there are some big systemic problems facing the trans community, don’t be daunted by that. The only thing I ever ask from an ally is to stand up for trans individuals while they go through their everyday life. That could mean telling a family member that trans individuals aren’t a risk to share a bathroom with. It could mean asking a friend to stop using transphobic jokes and explain to them why it matters. It could be explaining to a coworker that being trans isn’t a mental illness and that current science strongly indicates a biological origin. It could just be respecting, listening to, and validated a trans person they know. These are all situations where anyone has the opportunity to rise up and be an ally.

That said, the foundation for being an ally is to educate oneself on the terms, the resources, and the issues that trans individuals face. Education is so incredibly important because it is the key to becoming a good ally and the means to encourage others to do so as well. Anyone is welcome to email me looking for those resources or for help with trans related education, but there are plenty of great places and websites out there to self educate!

Education can go a long way towards changing someone’s mind about trans individuals, but there are those who are blatantly hostile. For those individuals it is important to be empathic to the person’s concerns. Most people have never personally met someone who is trans and might have only seen stereotypes or bad representations. Education isn’t about calling someone out as wrong, it is about understanding how they came to their worldview and listening to them and their concerns, while offering insights and perspective when relevant. It isn’t about telling a person what is right, but rather giving them the information and resources to draw their own conclusions.

So, aside from educating oneself and standing up for trans individuals in everyday life, a person can also volunteer with organizations like the Pride Center. They can personally advocate for trans inclusive policy at their own work place. They can advocate for trans inclusive laws, create petitions or simply support the people who are already trying to create those changes.

Just recently, Joshua Boschee introduced an anti-discrimination bill for ND, which would give transgender individuals in our state protections from discrimination in housing, work, or public accommodations. A victory there would mean the world to a whole group of people who have otherwise been disenfranchised by our state and that bill will definitely need help during this upcoming legislative session!

Aside from all that, there are always organizations and individual activists who could use more funding. Donating to the Pride Center or Tristate Transgender can go a long way and there are many things, both small and large, that individuals can do to make a difference.

With all of that in mind, being an ally can be very draining both emotionally and mentally. It is really easy to burn out, between dealing with individuals who don’t want to listen and getting berated by LGBTQ+ folks for not being perfect. That’s why I will never ask an ally to engage, unless they feel comfortable doing so. I don’t want to have an ally for half a year who burns out from bad experiences; I want allies that will be there my whole life because they engage when it’s healthy for them to do so.

The fact of the matter is that there are going to be more allies than trans individuals and because of that allies are absolutely essential in achieving positive change. Often times individuals don’t feel comfortable talking to a trans individual about trans topics, so instead they talk to their cisgender friends. That is where they get their information and having well educated allies who are able to provide accurate representation can make a world of difference!

[Editor’s note: North Dakota Safe Zone Project Spokeswoman]