Tracker Pixel for Entry

​Two little words with big meaning

by HPR Contributor | .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) | Live and Learn | April 11th, 2018

By Melissa Martin
melissamartincounselor@live.com

“I’m sorry” are two vital words to be used in relationships because human beings are imperfect people living in imperfect environments.

Ask yourself the following questions: Am I an under-apologiser or an over-apologiser? Am I a balanced-apologiser? Do you refuse to apologize when you’re absolutely in the wrong? It’s been my experience that many individuals answer these questions with “It depends on the person I am with at the time.” Are you a selective-apologiser?

In other words, spouses and partners caught in a relationship cycle of conflict may withhold apologies out of anger, revenge, fear of paybacks, or to save face. If there is a smarty pants person (i.e., sibling, friend, coworker) in your circle who blasts you with “I told you so” after you apologize—that can be an obstacle to your response. And no person is right about everything all the time.

Guy Winch, author of a 2013 article in Psychology Today, writes “Apologies can vary greatly in their significance: When non-apologists bump into someone in a crowd, they might mumble a quick "I’m sorry" without giving it another thought. But the same person arguing with their spouse about directions might yell, “I’m telling you: The GPS is wrong! Take this left!” only to find out the satellite system was correct — and still adamantly refuse to apologize, perhaps calling on excuses such as, “You take the wrong exit all the time, too!” or “The GPS is wrong half the time anyway. It’s not my fault!”

Harriet Lerner is the author of the book, "Why Won't You Apologize?" (2017 reprint edition, Touchstone Publisher). For decades, she has studied why some men and women won’t give apologies.

An apology shows remorse and acknowledges the hurt you caused another person. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I perceive apologizing as a weakness? Does apologizing mean I made a mistake or I am a mistake? Why won’t I take responsibility and apologize when I hurt someone’s feelings, tell a lie, or behave like a jerk?

In cultures that have been studied, men apologize less than women. Are you apology-challenged because you’re male? Men need to learn to say the two crucial words “I’m sorry.” Saying “my bad” doesn’t count. Claiming you are apology-impaired because of your masculinity is an excuse.

Being able to apologize is actually considered a strength and not a weakness. Apologies have the power to validate feelings and generate forgiveness. Our words can hurt or heal. Communicating a sincere apology can repair a relationship rupture. Individuals with confidence at their core can apologize and move forward.

“An apology is the super glue of life. It can repair just about anything,” declares Lynn Johnston.

Ask yourself the following questions: Why do I hold onto grudges? Why does my tongue get tied up over saying the two important words? Do I value relationship more than my ego? Why do I need to change and offer genuine apologies when I’m wrong?

The next part of the apology is asking the offended person, “What can I do to make it right?” Making amends is about restoring trust in relationships. And saying, “I will do my best to not do it again” shows future action.

Lakesha Ruise asserts, “Apologize quickly when you wrong someone, because I'm sorry has no value in the grave.”

[Editor’s note: Melissa Martin, Ph.D, is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist. She resides in southern Ohio.] www.melissamartinchildrensauthor.com]

Recently in:

By Annie Prafckeannieprafcke@gmail.comFargo, ND – Mayor Mahoney issued a city-wide mask mandate on Oct. 19th, shortly after North Dakota became the state with the largest number of new cases per capita in the US, a record it…

Shawnee Kaseman of Wishek, ND was awarded the title of Miss North Dakota for America 2020 this past September, but instead of preparing to hit the stage in a glittering gown under sparkling lights,she addressed pageant judges from…

Best Bets

Ladies Ag Night

by HPR Staff

Thursday, March 19, 4:30- 8 pm1609 19th Ave N, FargoCass County Soil Conservation District is hosting their annual Ladies’ Ag Night supper event. This event has a goal of bringing together multiple generations of women involved…

Editorial

Parler Games

by Sabrina Hornung

In a news cycle where it’s tough to discern fact from fiction, you may have noticed that a number of conservative media consumers are announcing their dramatic exit from Facebook and Twitter. After Twitter labeled a number of…

Is There Personal Liberty? When Does It Begin And End?It was bound to happen to an inquiring mind. Scientists around the world are monitoring sewage for outbreaks of COVID-19 because victims of the virus have had the very…

To say that this year’s Bartenders Battle was the best display of talent in the six years since its creation would be an understatement and a disservice to not only the bartenders who made it into the competition, but also the…

Reviving Rural Grocery Stores in North DakotaBy Annie PrafckeFargo, ND – On October 7th, Gov. Doug Burgum awarded Milnor Market and the Forman grocery store project Main Street Awards, as part of an initiative led by the Office…

By John Showalterjohn.d.showalter@gmail.comMusicians and concertgoers alike unexpectedly found their plans disrupted by the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Artists and venues have been facing a situation that is unprecedented for most…

Sofia Coppola’s delightful distraction from national affairs sees the writer-director returning to her sweet spot: the tiniest whiff of autobiography in a story that, to paraphrase James Stewart’s Macaulay “Mike” Connor in…

By Jill FinkelsonWe’ve been hearing the word Unrest a lot lately. Unrest in the streets. Unrest in the capital. Unrest in our own homes as we struggle to hunker down in the face of the unseen pandemic. People are restless. They…

By Kris Gruberperriex1@gmail.comEloise Breikjern has been the Executive Director of Fargo Moorhead Community Theatre since 2013. She will retire in December.High Plains Reader spoke to her about the strength of her staff, the…

by Kris Gruberperriex1@gmail.comAdam Quesnell's last show at The Cellar beneath the Front Street Taproom in Fargo was in early September of 2018. He was embarking on a seminal move from Minneapolis to LA. As always, his comedy was…

by Jill Finkelsonjsfinkelson99@gmail.comFar North Spirits, located up in Hallock, MN, is the northernmost distillery in the lower 48. They may be young in the distillery world but the farm and the spirit reach far into the past.…

Wellness

Discover Yoga Differently

by HPR Contributor

by Laurie J Bakeremsdatter@gmail.com Part of modern yoga is participating in the world around us. We live in a time of upheaval in society and nature, and of great suffering in humans of all ages. Most of us perceive this suffering…

By Ashlee Nordquisthpr@hpr1.comI've come to the conclusion that not everyone understands why my brother and I went on ventilators for covid and what that means. As I survived and my brother SO FAR is improving, I can make jokes and…

By Marc de Cellemarcdecelle@midco.netAs someone who has voted for both Republicans and Democrats in the last decade, and who has participated as both a poll worker and an absentee vote counter in the last five years, I feel it's my…