Tracker Pixel for Entry

​Worst decisions, do they haunt us or help us?

by HPR Contributor | .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) | Live and Learn | June 20th, 2018

By Melissa Martin
melissamartincounselor@live.com

Think back to one of your worst small decisions. Then answer the following questions:

How did you make the decision?

What happened after the decision?

When did you know it was the worst decision?

What did you learn from making the wrong decision?

One of my worst decisions was purchasing a water heater without reading Consumer Reports. After myriad cold showers and money poured down the drain to have it fixed, I retired it to the great recycling center in the sky. The warranty covered parts, but not labor, and labor costs far more than parts. Valuable lessons were learned during the problem-solving process. How do you learn from your mistakes?

Lack of hot water formed feelings of frustration. I made the decision out of necessity, but too quickly. I learned a lot about dishonest or incompetent repairmen and those that overcharge for service calls. My expectation to find a worker that would show up on time, do a good job, and charge a fair price, went by the wayside.

Making a decision has two parts: the emotional part and the logical part, and we need to utilize both parts.

My emotional part says, “Take a chill pill and calm down before a decision is made.”

My logical part says, “Do your research. Ask questions and seek advice before you buy. And use word-of-mouth recommendations from several sources before hiring a repairman.”

Decisions about romantic relationships are far more sticky and tricky—so don’t be too quickie or you’ll end up feeling icky.

Think back to one of your worst big decisions about dating, marriage, or divorce. Then answer the following questions:

How did you make the decision?

What happened after the decision?

When did you know it was the worst decision?

What did you learn from making the wrong decision?

Researchers at Emory University studied 3,000 married couples in the U.S. to determine the factors that predicted divorce. The findings: waiting three or more years decreases the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent. “But there's no one-size-fits-all amount of time — couples who waited until they knew each other ‘very well’ had the same outcome.”

Answer the following questions. How long should couples date before taking the big plunge into holy matrimony? And have you watched the Bridezilla reality TV show?

About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce, according to an article by the American Psychological Association.

From 2006 to 2010, 40 percent of women who lived together with a partner transitioned to marriage after three years; 32 percent stayed with the partner without marriage; and 27 percent ended the relationship. www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm.

In a 2014 Huffington Post article, psychologist Lisabeth Saunders listed 9 ways we learn from our mistakes:

1. Mistakes teach us to clarify what we really want and how we want to live.

2. Mistakes teach us to accept ourselves and that we can be flawed and be loved.

3. Mistakes teach us to accept our fallibility and face our fear.

4. Mistakes teach us about ourselves and how to tell our truth.

5. Mistakes teach us, through analysis and feedback, about what works, and what doesn’t.

6. Mistakes teach us to take responsibility.

7. Mistakes teach us about integrity.

8. Mistakes teach us to engage in our lives — to live fully.

9. Mistakes allow us to inspire others. www.huffingtonpost.com/.

While reflecting on and learning from past decisions can be beneficial, dwelling on and ruminating on past mistakes is unhealthy.

"The years teach much which the days never know." That’s what Ralph Waldo Emerson surmised.

[Editor’s note: Melissa Martin, Ph.D, is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist.]

Recently in:

By Annie Prafckeannieprafcke@gmail.comFargo, ND – Mayor Mahoney issued a city-wide mask mandate on Oct. 19th, shortly after North Dakota became the state with the largest number of new cases per capita in the US, a record it…

Shawnee Kaseman of Wishek, ND was awarded the title of Miss North Dakota for America 2020 this past September, but instead of preparing to hit the stage in a glittering gown under sparkling lights,she addressed pageant judges from…

Best Bets

Ladies Ag Night

by HPR Staff

Thursday, March 19, 4:30- 8 pm1609 19th Ave N, FargoCass County Soil Conservation District is hosting their annual Ladies’ Ag Night supper event. This event has a goal of bringing together multiple generations of women involved…

Editorial

Parler Games

by Sabrina Hornung

In a news cycle where it’s tough to discern fact from fiction, you may have noticed that a number of conservative media consumers are announcing their dramatic exit from Facebook and Twitter. After Twitter labeled a number of…

Is There Personal Liberty? When Does It Begin And End?It was bound to happen to an inquiring mind. Scientists around the world are monitoring sewage for outbreaks of COVID-19 because victims of the virus have had the very…

To say that this year’s Bartenders Battle was the best display of talent in the six years since its creation would be an understatement and a disservice to not only the bartenders who made it into the competition, but also the…

Reviving Rural Grocery Stores in North DakotaBy Annie PrafckeFargo, ND – On October 7th, Gov. Doug Burgum awarded Milnor Market and the Forman grocery store project Main Street Awards, as part of an initiative led by the Office…

By John Showalterjohn.d.showalter@gmail.comMusicians and concertgoers alike unexpectedly found their plans disrupted by the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Artists and venues have been facing a situation that is unprecedented for most…

Sofia Coppola’s delightful distraction from national affairs sees the writer-director returning to her sweet spot: the tiniest whiff of autobiography in a story that, to paraphrase James Stewart’s Macaulay “Mike” Connor in…

By Jill FinkelsonWe’ve been hearing the word Unrest a lot lately. Unrest in the streets. Unrest in the capital. Unrest in our own homes as we struggle to hunker down in the face of the unseen pandemic. People are restless. They…

By Kris Gruberperriex1@gmail.comEloise Breikjern has been the Executive Director of Fargo Moorhead Community Theatre since 2013. She will retire in December.High Plains Reader spoke to her about the strength of her staff, the…

by Kris Gruberperriex1@gmail.comAdam Quesnell's last show at The Cellar beneath the Front Street Taproom in Fargo was in early September of 2018. He was embarking on a seminal move from Minneapolis to LA. As always, his comedy was…

by Jill Finkelsonjsfinkelson99@gmail.comFar North Spirits, located up in Hallock, MN, is the northernmost distillery in the lower 48. They may be young in the distillery world but the farm and the spirit reach far into the past.…

Wellness

Discover Yoga Differently

by HPR Contributor

by Laurie J Bakeremsdatter@gmail.com Part of modern yoga is participating in the world around us. We live in a time of upheaval in society and nature, and of great suffering in humans of all ages. Most of us perceive this suffering…

By Ashlee Nordquisthpr@hpr1.comI've come to the conclusion that not everyone understands why my brother and I went on ventilators for covid and what that means. As I survived and my brother SO FAR is improving, I can make jokes and…

By Marc de Cellemarcdecelle@midco.netAs someone who has voted for both Republicans and Democrats in the last decade, and who has participated as both a poll worker and an absentee vote counter in the last five years, I feel it's my…