Tracker Pixel for Entry

​Worst decisions, do they haunt us or help us?

by HPR Contributor | .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) | Live and Learn | June 20th, 2018

By Melissa Martin
melissamartincounselor@live.com

Think back to one of your worst small decisions. Then answer the following questions:

How did you make the decision?

What happened after the decision?

When did you know it was the worst decision?

What did you learn from making the wrong decision?

One of my worst decisions was purchasing a water heater without reading Consumer Reports. After myriad cold showers and money poured down the drain to have it fixed, I retired it to the great recycling center in the sky. The warranty covered parts, but not labor, and labor costs far more than parts. Valuable lessons were learned during the problem-solving process. How do you learn from your mistakes?

Lack of hot water formed feelings of frustration. I made the decision out of necessity, but too quickly. I learned a lot about dishonest or incompetent repairmen and those that overcharge for service calls. My expectation to find a worker that would show up on time, do a good job, and charge a fair price, went by the wayside.

Making a decision has two parts: the emotional part and the logical part, and we need to utilize both parts.

My emotional part says, “Take a chill pill and calm down before a decision is made.”

My logical part says, “Do your research. Ask questions and seek advice before you buy. And use word-of-mouth recommendations from several sources before hiring a repairman.”

Decisions about romantic relationships are far more sticky and tricky—so don’t be too quickie or you’ll end up feeling icky.

Think back to one of your worst big decisions about dating, marriage, or divorce. Then answer the following questions:

How did you make the decision?

What happened after the decision?

When did you know it was the worst decision?

What did you learn from making the wrong decision?

Researchers at Emory University studied 3,000 married couples in the U.S. to determine the factors that predicted divorce. The findings: waiting three or more years decreases the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent. “But there's no one-size-fits-all amount of time — couples who waited until they knew each other ‘very well’ had the same outcome.”

Answer the following questions. How long should couples date before taking the big plunge into holy matrimony? And have you watched the Bridezilla reality TV show?

About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce, according to an article by the American Psychological Association.

From 2006 to 2010, 40 percent of women who lived together with a partner transitioned to marriage after three years; 32 percent stayed with the partner without marriage; and 27 percent ended the relationship. www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm.

In a 2014 Huffington Post article, psychologist Lisabeth Saunders listed 9 ways we learn from our mistakes:

1. Mistakes teach us to clarify what we really want and how we want to live.

2. Mistakes teach us to accept ourselves and that we can be flawed and be loved.

3. Mistakes teach us to accept our fallibility and face our fear.

4. Mistakes teach us about ourselves and how to tell our truth.

5. Mistakes teach us, through analysis and feedback, about what works, and what doesn’t.

6. Mistakes teach us to take responsibility.

7. Mistakes teach us about integrity.

8. Mistakes teach us to engage in our lives — to live fully.

9. Mistakes allow us to inspire others. www.huffingtonpost.com/.

While reflecting on and learning from past decisions can be beneficial, dwelling on and ruminating on past mistakes is unhealthy.

"The years teach much which the days never know." That’s what Ralph Waldo Emerson surmised.

[Editor’s note: Melissa Martin, Ph.D, is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist.]

Recently in:

FARGO - Rain or shine, the Fargo Antiques ROADSHOW is scheduled to last all day on June 1 at Bonanzaville. The show is part of a five-city tour, and the venues are chosen for their historic significance. As all tickets are…

Shodan has been called the “scariest search engine on the internet.” It has the ability to expose and allow access to many devices including servers, computers, phones, fridges, traffic lights, security cameras and even control…

Wednesday, May 29, 5-8 p.m.Plains Art Museum, 704 1st Ave N, FargoThis event is an open house style maker’s session. Participants will receive an 11 inch canoe model and access to a supply buffet. Artist Hosts will be available…

Editorial

Congrats grads!

by Sabrina Hornung

It’s that time of year again. Recent grads are unleashed and set out to make their mark on the world. It’s funny how something can be simultaneously liberating and terrifying. If we could spread any pearls of wisdom to these…

Guns, Lockdowns, and Panic ButtonsThe girl is now a seventh grader at Sandy Hook Elementary. In 2012 she was the only survivor of her first grade class of 21 in a mass school shooting. Among the first words by this six-year-old to…

To say that this year’s Bartenders Battle was the best display of talent in the six years since its creation would be an understatement and a disservice to not only the bartenders who made it into the competition, but also the…

Quiche is a great addition to any brunch. It’s almost like a wardrobe staple that you can dress up or dress down. I made one for my 90-year-old grandma for mother’s day last weekend. She’s a good critic when I try out a new…

There is a golden oldie by Peter Allen called “Everything Old is New Again”, and that is certainly true about vinyl records. It is no secret that vinyl records are no longer just your parents’ musical format. Their…

Impossibly beautiful lead performers underline the YA fantasy aspects of Ry Russo-Young’s translation of “The Sun Is Also a Star,” based on Nicola Yoon’s bestseller. Russo-Young’s sharp handling of the 2017 adaptation of…

The Plains Art Museum is ready to take you back in time – or forward, if you prefer – for their 23rd annual Spring Gala. The theme for this year’s event, which takes place on Friday, May 3, is Time Machine.The Spring Gala is…

Countless examples can be found throughout the history of great art that was only recognized as such after the life of the artist that created it. Such is true of Georges Bizet’s opera "Carmen."  While its reception during his…

Stand-up comedy is traditionally a one-way exchange. Outside of the odd question addressed to a random audience member, the limit of the spectators’ contribution to the conversation is their laughter at the comedy stylings being…

By Gabrielle Herschgabbyhersch@gmail.comThink & Drink is coming to Fargo! Organized by Humanities North Dakota, Think & Drink is a happy hour series that hosts a facilitated public conversation about big issues and ideas. Lead by a…

I’m a big man, I’m tall and powerful, but this also causes some issues in the body department. I suffer from acute scoliosis in my lower back, and pain radiates from this area on a daily basis. I have only ever had one massage…

by Devin Joubertdevinlillianjoubert@gmail.comIt’s that beautiful time of the year that’s filled with seasonal decorations, sparkly lights, warm family gatherings, and delicious feasts. I love everything about this time of the…

Last Word

Meritocracy is a lie

by HPR Contributor

By Gary Olsonolsong@moravian.eduIn 2017, Sociology Professor Rachel Sherman wrote “Uneasy Street: The Anxiety of Affluence,” a book which drew from 50 in-depth interviews with uber-wealthy New Yorkers in order to obtain a…