Tracker Pixel for Entry

​Worst decisions, do they haunt us or help us?

by HPR Contributor | .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) | Live and Learn | June 20th, 2018

By Melissa Martin
melissamartincounselor@live.com

Think back to one of your worst small decisions. Then answer the following questions:

How did you make the decision?

What happened after the decision?

When did you know it was the worst decision?

What did you learn from making the wrong decision?

One of my worst decisions was purchasing a water heater without reading Consumer Reports. After myriad cold showers and money poured down the drain to have it fixed, I retired it to the great recycling center in the sky. The warranty covered parts, but not labor, and labor costs far more than parts. Valuable lessons were learned during the problem-solving process. How do you learn from your mistakes?

Lack of hot water formed feelings of frustration. I made the decision out of necessity, but too quickly. I learned a lot about dishonest or incompetent repairmen and those that overcharge for service calls. My expectation to find a worker that would show up on time, do a good job, and charge a fair price, went by the wayside.

Making a decision has two parts: the emotional part and the logical part, and we need to utilize both parts.

My emotional part says, “Take a chill pill and calm down before a decision is made.”

My logical part says, “Do your research. Ask questions and seek advice before you buy. And use word-of-mouth recommendations from several sources before hiring a repairman.”

Decisions about romantic relationships are far more sticky and tricky—so don’t be too quickie or you’ll end up feeling icky.

Think back to one of your worst big decisions about dating, marriage, or divorce. Then answer the following questions:

How did you make the decision?

What happened after the decision?

When did you know it was the worst decision?

What did you learn from making the wrong decision?

Researchers at Emory University studied 3,000 married couples in the U.S. to determine the factors that predicted divorce. The findings: waiting three or more years decreases the likelihood of divorce by 50 percent. “But there's no one-size-fits-all amount of time — couples who waited until they knew each other ‘very well’ had the same outcome.”

Answer the following questions. How long should couples date before taking the big plunge into holy matrimony? And have you watched the Bridezilla reality TV show?

About 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States divorce, according to an article by the American Psychological Association.

From 2006 to 2010, 40 percent of women who lived together with a partner transitioned to marriage after three years; 32 percent stayed with the partner without marriage; and 27 percent ended the relationship. www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm.

In a 2014 Huffington Post article, psychologist Lisabeth Saunders listed 9 ways we learn from our mistakes:

1. Mistakes teach us to clarify what we really want and how we want to live.

2. Mistakes teach us to accept ourselves and that we can be flawed and be loved.

3. Mistakes teach us to accept our fallibility and face our fear.

4. Mistakes teach us about ourselves and how to tell our truth.

5. Mistakes teach us, through analysis and feedback, about what works, and what doesn’t.

6. Mistakes teach us to take responsibility.

7. Mistakes teach us about integrity.

8. Mistakes teach us to engage in our lives — to live fully.

9. Mistakes allow us to inspire others. www.huffingtonpost.com/.

While reflecting on and learning from past decisions can be beneficial, dwelling on and ruminating on past mistakes is unhealthy.

"The years teach much which the days never know." That’s what Ralph Waldo Emerson surmised.

[Editor’s note: Melissa Martin, Ph.D, is an author, columnist, educator, and therapist.]

Recently in:

By Lonna Whitinglonnawhiting@gmail.comI’m eating lunch at my desk transcribing an interview from a doctor about the benefits of colonoscopies before age 50. It’s going to be used in a blog piece I’m ghostwriting for the Blue…

Culture

​Healing Arts Revolution

by HPR Contributor

By Kris Gruberperriex1@gmail.comGraduating from Sister Rosalind Gefre Massage and Wellness Center, Amy Wasvick has spent 10 years practicing Healing Arts. Her areas of expertise include Essential Oil, Cupping, Swedish,…

Thursday, November 14, 6-7 p.m.The Plains Art Museum, 704 1st Ave.N, FargoAn evening of conversation with multimedia artist Brad Kahlhamer and sculptor Aaron Spangler. Kahlhamer works with a range of media from sculpture and…

Editorial

Have a little respect

by HPR Contributor

By Waylon Hedegaardretiringwithcats@gmail.comDoes everyone find Facebook disturbing nowadays? Oh, I don’t mean the creepy way when after you search for a product, ads for that product are suddenly everywhere like bed bugs. Nor do…

President Donald J. Trump: ‘A Picasso of Pettiness, A Shakespeare of Shit’I am a fan of CNN’s Fareed Zakaria, an immigrant from India. He is one of the many reasons I don’t bother going to “Christian” churches on Sunday…

To say that this year’s Bartenders Battle was the best display of talent in the six years since its creation would be an understatement and a disservice to not only the bartenders who made it into the competition, but also the…

All About Food

​Out to lunch

by HPR Contributor

By Jill Finkelsonjsfinkelson99@gmail.comSchool lunch has been in the news lately. There have been stories from around the country about the mounting debt and how school’s have been dealing with it. Michaela Schell and Chris…

The Fargo-Moorhead Symphony Orchestra’s 2019-2020 season is already underway. The first concert of the season, which showcased Gustav Holst’s well-known and loved “The Planets” premiered to a sold-out audience. The first…

Fans of Robert Eggers’ brilliant feature debut “The Witch” have been waiting impatiently for “The Lighthouse,” and while the filmmaker decidedly avoids any kind of sophomore slide, the new movie will probably not attract…

Arts

​31 drawings in 31 days

by Sabrina Hornung

Each October a number of drawing challenges appear across social media. Think 31 drawings in 31 days. The original Inktober challenge was started in 2009 by artist Jake Parker to boost his drawing and inking skills. Since then…

Theatre

​Razor Sharp Theatre

by HPR Contributor

By Scott Eckernotharrisonford@gmail.comTheatre is something that takes a lot of work from a lot of people. This is something that is easy to forget while watching a good play. Great theatre is immersive. The script, acting and…

Stand-up comedy is traditionally a one-way exchange. Outside of the odd question addressed to a random audience member, the limit of the spectators’ contribution to the conversation is their laughter at the comedy stylings being…

The famous 20th century Southern writer William Faulkner quipped, “Civilization begins with distillation.” Technically one brews beer instead of distilling it, but the sentiment still holds true. Fargo is no stranger to the…

Wellness

Yoga on the Farm

by Ryan Janke

Every Thursday evening during the month of June, Mara Solberg is inviting people to come out and try Yoga on the Farm. It is a unique yoga experience that was born from an idea that was proposed to Solberg.“I’ve been with Red…

by Devin Joubertdevinlillianjoubert@gmail.comIt’s that beautiful time of the year that’s filled with seasonal decorations, sparkly lights, warm family gatherings, and delicious feasts. I love everything about this time of the…

By William Southworthwsouthwo@cord.eduThe United Kingdom has a new boss. Considered to by some to be a British counterpart to Trump, Boris Johnson is riding a wave of political discontent with a can-do attitude and bubbly stage…