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​Some Senators Are Real Horses

Gadfly | November 16th, 2022

By Ed Raymond

fargogadfly@gmail.com

A Trivia Question: How Many Horses Have Been Elected Senator?

There is ample critical historical evidence that horses, or their varying parts thereof, have played important roles in the governing of nations for over 2,000 years. Emperor Caligula, who ruled Rome from year 37 to 41, had the qualities of Donald J. Trump as presently listed in the latest Manual of Mental Disabilities---except for one. He trusted someone.

Caligula determined that his favorite horse Incitatus had more intelligence than any of the Roman senators, so he expressed a desire to appoint Incitatus majority leader of the Roman Senate. As some senators felt they were at least equal to the horse who lived in a marble stable in an ivory stall and was covered with royal purple blankets, they took out their knives and killed Caligula, ending his four-year reign. Incitatus survived the insurrection.

Some may remember the sitcom “Mister Ed,” whose star was a talking horse, a palomino gelding named Bamboo Booster.Mister Ed wisecracked and counseled his riders for 143 TV episodes, and, if I remember, never mentioned the loss of his horsehood.

Another horse played a major governmental role in the battle of Bosworth during the English civil war known as the War of the Roses. King Richard III was killed leading a cavalry charge across a muddy field on August 25, 1485, when his armored warhorse got mired in mud. Richard was thrown near opposing knights who quickly dispatched him. He had lost his helmet when he fell off his saddle. His body was finally “post-mortemed” 500 years later, and it was discovered he had suffered a dozen wounds to his skull and head, with two being fatal.

His last words were remembered by those close by in the battle: “A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!” He was pleading for someone to bring him another horse so he could continue the fight. These words were still famous a hundred years later when Shakespeare published his historical play about Richard in 1597. He ended the play in Act 5, Scene 4, with those words.

Every time I see Trumplican Senators Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley, Rick Scott, Marco Rubio, Marsha Blackburn, Kevin Cramer, Mitch McConnell and Democrat Joe Manchin holding press conferences, interrogating witnesses at hearings, or reacting to reporter’s questions, I think: “How did some of these “leaders” ever graduate from our finest universities and law schools?” They act like the South end of a horse going North.

Then I begin to think Caligula and Richard III were right. Horses have more empathy and love for other horses and human beings. Man o’ War and Seabiscuit cooperated more with their fellow horses than the above cooperated with others in working for the betterment of all citizens. Mitch McConnell is from Kentucky. He could find better senators in the pastures. They have to be smarter than Ron Johnson and Rand Paul.

And God Said: “There Is a Man Named Donald, and When It Comes Time…

“For the election, you will be elected.” This message was recorded by a South African preacher named Kim Clement, and his godly voice welcomes Trump fans to road shows and election rallies called ReAwaken America. The voice on the tape continues to be the word of God for the Trumpiicans who have paid as much as $500 for a ticket--besides spending more hundreds to buy MAGA caps, shirts, flags and other election paraphernalia:

“Hear me, for I have found a man after my own heart, and he is among you. He is one of the brothers, but singled out for the presidency of the United States of America. Hear me today. I have the whole thing planned out. I have looked for a man who would restore the fortunes of Zion.”

At last, after eons of searching, God has found a thrice-married alleged attacker of two dozen women, a customer of prostitutes and porn stars, a cursing, evil-tempered man who accuses Mexicans of rape, Blacks of murder and incest, hires Hispanics to operate his golf courses and then “forgets” to pay them, stiffs workers and contractors with whom he has signed contracts, and lies to banks, the IRS, city auditors, and assessors about the value of his taxable properties.

Besides these qualities, he is a malignant narcissist who has no empathy, humor, or knowledge of the classics. He can’t pass a mirror without stopping.

When King Donald takes the stage at one of his famous ReAwaken rallies, the crowd rises on their fashionable sneakers, many raise their arms in supplication while others give the Nazi salute to their courageous leader who has five Vietnam draft deferments.

Trump’s last pre-election stop was at Branson, Missouri where cult members paid up to $500 to attend a show featuring Trump. Family members introduce the former president, “America’s general” Michael Flynn warns a new world tyranny is challenging, and “My Pillow Guy” Mike Lindell babbles about “foreign forces” sabotaging voting machines so they switch votes. The two take turns praising the 45th president who wants to be the 47th.

The Branson show turns out to be a two-day affair. At the end of the first day, the crowd gives son Eric Trump a standing ovation when he suggests his “daddy wants to do it all over again.” After the show at Branson, more than 200 attendees line up at the hotel‘s swimming pool and celebrate a full-immersion baptism “in the name of the Lord.”

So far, there have been 17 ReAwaken America rallies. They end up being partly “Stop the Steal” rallies, part religious services, part QAnon conspiracy seances, part anti-vaxxer meetings, part “Critical Race Theory” rallies, and part mall where stalls sell “Trump” products, political buttons, signs, T-shirts, snake oils, health aids, supplements of every use and description, and religious items.

Remember: This is a “prosperity” gospel crowd that believes belief in God will make you rich—if you contribute a month’s salary to the minister.

How Many Millions of Americans Want Nancy Pelosi Dead?

David DePage was one. How many millions of Americans share his belief that Nancy was a principal in stealing the election from God’s “chosen messenger” Donald J. Trump, that a Jewish cabal rules the world, that all Jews should be deported to Europe, that Hillary Clinton is grooming children in the basement of a pizza shop to be used by elite Washington Democrats, that COVID vaccinations kill, that Whites are persecuted more than Blacks, that governors should be kidnapped and killed if they are pro-choice, that military assault weapons should be available to the general public 18 and over, that everyone 18 and over should be allowed to conceal and carry a handgun, that death threats are just a normal part of life in America, that persons wearing tactical gear and carrying AR-15s should be allowed to intimidate voters, shoppers, church goers, Super Bowl attendees ,and customers at McDonald’s, that transgenders should be prohibited from athletic contests and bathrooms, that gerrymandering is just another political policy, that racial discrimination is no longer a problem in this diverse country.

That Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene should remain in Congress after stating that “Democrats such as Nancy Pelosi should be executed, that Donald Trump made death threats and violence against elected and appointed officials socially acceptable, that in the five years since his election the number of death threats to Congress has increased ten-fold, that a four-star general joined the cry “lock her up!” at a rally against Hillary Clinton, that the Americans “visiting” the capitol on January 6 were “tourists,” that we have armed guards, bulletproof doors and windows, curved walls to prevent murder in the halls, and armed teachers to prevent mass killings of children in schools.

There are hundreds of other policies that need to be changed and I haven’t even mentioned the top three we should have corrected long ago: (1) economic inequality, (2) universal healthcare, and (3) immigration. Let us all hope that another famous line in Richard III does not gain much attention this winter: “Now is the winter of our discontent.”

How Many Christians Believe and Follow Prosperity Theology?

The Oval Office picture of perhaps a dozen Christian leaders and ministers stretching mightily to place their hands on the super-sinner Donald Trump sitting at the Resolute desk has always raised questions for me. I don’t recognize all of them, but I know some preach the “prosperity gospel,” a religious belief that financial blessing and physical well-being are related, and that financial donations and contributions to the church and its leaders will not only increase your material wealth but will bring you blessings from God.

Christian Identity and Christian Dominionists believe if humans have faith in God, He will deliver security and prosperity. Senator Cruz is the son of a Dominionist preacher who has appointed Ted king of Texas. Former Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann, who ran for president, is another Dominionist who believes the United States should be a Christian nation. (I wonder if Michele and her husband are still running a conversion clinic for gays.) Timothy McVeigh of Oklahoma city fame was a member of the Christian Identity church which is really just another White supremacist (“You will not replace us!”) organization. Many evangelical and fundamentalist Christian denominations have adopted beliefs of the Identity and Dominionist crowd because most are Whites from South of the Mason-Dixon Line.

What has happened to the Jesus Christ who prompted Bible sources to quote him 2,000 times about taking care of the poor in a society--and only one time about what happens in temples where wealth is exchanged? The good ol’ boys in the Vatican have never paid much attention to the theology preached by Christ. Jesus tells a young man who wants to inherit eternal life: “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven (not on Earth!). Then come, follow me.” The young man went away sad, because he had great wealth. “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God,” said Jesus.

What do we have now? A tiny camel—or a helluva big needle? We now have the anointed one by God, King Donald Trump, who has hired tiny camel breeders and Mexicans to forge large needles with huge eyes. He plans to stiff both.

By the way, Donald John Trump is not the first malignant narcissist, and history tells me neither was Caligula. He had a thirst for gold and swam in it by pouring gold coins on the ground and wallowed like a hog in them. He dissolved pearls in vinegar and then drank the result. He often invited Incitatus to dinner and fed him a dinner of oats loaded with gold fragments. Sometimes peasants followed Caligula’s horse around so they could check his horse apples for gold. Maybe that’s why Trump doesn’t have a dog. He wants all the gold for himself.

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