Screw politics, let’s talk about bacon

By Jim Fuglie

jimfuglie920@gmail.com

I’m writing this on the day after the Fourth of July, so I’m thinking patriotic thoughts. But none of those thoughts envision Donald Trump serving a second term as president of the United States, or Douglas Burgum being the first North Dakotan to lose a race for vice president of the United States. I suppose one of those things could happen. But not both. So I won’t write about that.

I could write about the North Dakota primary election just past, or I could write about Bacon. I like politics — most of my readers know that. But all of my friends know of my Bacon fixation. I’ve liked Bacon all my life (doesn’t everyone?), but never so much as when Lillian and I moved into our Highland Acres house in Bismarck 15 years ago, with its big garden space, and started growing our own lettuce and tomatoes. The months of July, August, September and October are a time of “BLT Joy” for us. (Apologies to my editors for my big B on Bacon. I always capitalize Bacon. It’s that important, like Badlands, and Jesus Christ.)

So, since the North Dakota primary election is over, and we all know that we no longer have Tammy Miller and Rick Becker to kick around (still got Kirsten Baesler though), I’m going to skip politics this month (the secular press is keeping you up to date on that right now) and write about tomatoes. And Bacon.

Out in the garden, I’ve noticed the yellow blossoms and green fruit starting to show up on the tomatoes. I’ve cut back to 36 tomato plants this year (I know, I know, that sounds like a lot, but the boys in the boat really like Bloody Marys) and they’re looking good. So I thought I better check the Bacon supply, to start getting ready for BLT season.

Well, it was dangerously low. So after my friend Rick Maixner, over in the Sunset Drive Nursing Home in Mandan and I had our weekly Bloody Mary Breakfast (I do actually eat a fair share of my tomatoes — I don’t use them all for Bloody Marys), I jumped across the interstate and drove up to the Cloverdale plant north of town. They have a little Country Store there around the back of the plant, where they offer good bargains on all kinds of meat (mostly pork) if you buy it in bulk. On a midsummer day last year I bought a 30-pound box of Bacon there for $100. It was a joy, but I had to get one of the big strong butcher boys to carry it out to the car for me. But you’ve seen what Bacon costs in the store lately, so at $3.33 a pound, it was worth making room in the freezer. It lasted until the end of tomato season — just barely. I have a lot of friends who drop by for lunch in August and September.

So I poked around the freezers in the Cloverdale Country Store, looking at big boxes of Bacon, sausage, pulled pork and barbecued beef. Then I spotted some smaller packages and went to take a look. That’s when I found the three-pound packages of Cloverdale “Naturally Applewood Triple Slow Smoked Extra Thick Cut Bacon” for $7.50 per package. You read that right. Bacon for $2.50 a pound.

I was tempted to just clean out their freezer case, but I was a little nervous about the words “Extra Thick.” I’ve been buying Cloverdale Thick Cut Bacon for years. Best bacon ever. Especially on a couple slices of toasted sourdough bread with some thick slices of tomato. But I was a little nervous about the word “Extra.”

So I decided to take one pack home and try it, and if I liked it, come back and get stocked up for tomato season (if they hadn’t sold out). Well, I thawed it out overnight, and the next morning I decided to try it for breakfast. When I pulled open the package, the scent of that “Triple Slow Smoked Applewood” rushed out and filled the kitchen. God, it was glorious.

I counted the slices. Three pounds of Bacon, 25 slices, about 8 slices per pound. That’s “Extra Thick Cut” all right. I laid it out on cookie sheets and carried it out to the grill. Lit the grill. Closed the cover. Cooked it for about 20 minutes at 400 degrees. By the time it was done the whole back yard, maybe the whole neighborhood, smelled like “Triple Slow Smoked Applewood.” That was fun.

And then I ate some. No tomatoes yet. Just some sourdough toast, and garden Strawberries (another one of those capital letters), washed down with a glass of last year’s spicy Bloody Mary mix, absent vodka. Three slices of Cloverdale “Naturally Applewood Triple Slow Smoked Extra Thick Cut Bacon” was a full meal. 22 slices into the fridge. Breakfast for a couple of weeks. Too early for BLTs.

After cleanup, as I was finishing the paper and my last cup of coffee, I thought about what I might do all day. The beauty of retirement, if you plan well, is that you don’t have to decide what to do each day until that day comes around.

Nothing on my calendar. Well, I thought, maybe I’ll just sneak back over to Cloverdale and see if they have any of that left.

They did.

Now I have 15 pounds of Bacon in my freezer. And since lots of people now know that, I’ll keep all my doors locked.

But . . . I didn’t buy it all. I left a few packages in the freezer case, and some boxes with 15 pounds in them. Good thing, too. I wrote a little story about this and put it on my blog, “The Prairie Blog.”

Well, within a few hours I received a message from my old friend John Stern, he of the once-famous Straus Clothing store in Fargo who sold me suits, that said, “Love their bacon. (He doesn’t capitalize it. Yet.). But the drive from Fargo just seems a bit too much. Maybe I can get someone to pick it up for me.”

I got the hint. I fired back a message that said I would be glad to get some for him and we could arrange transportation later. He said great, and that he had talked to another old friend of mine, attorney Dan Vogel, he of the famous Vogel Law Firm in Fargo. And Dan might be interested too.

Sure enough, within an hour, my phone rang, and it was Dan, who said he had talked to John and was interested in Bacon. I told him I was getting two packages for John and would be glad to get the same for him. To which he replied, “I’d like four.”

By now it was late on a Friday afternoon, and the store was about to close for the weekend. I decided to postpone my next trip until next week. Later, I was talking to my Bismarck friend Darrell Dorgan, who had read the blog as well, and had seen John’s original message, and said “I’m going to Fargo next week. I could deliver the bacon.” Things were falling into place.

Okay, so on Monday morning I went to Cloverdale and bought seven packages (two for John, four for Dan, one for Darrell for delivery fees) and dropped it off at Darrell’s in a little Styrofoam cooler. Darrell delivered it to Fargo. Everybody’s happy.

I don’t know if you can still buy the same packages there, for the same price. They change their inventory from time to time. But if you are interested, here are directions:

Get off I-94 at Sunset Drive on the west end of Mandan, and go north past the old Seven Seas on Old Red Tail, about half a mile, and you’ll see a sign beside the road that says, “DO YOU LIKE BACON?” Seriously. Turn left there. Follow the road past most of the huge Cloverdale packing plant (it covers a few city blocks) and watch for the big yellow sign on the building that says “Country Store.”

You’re welcome. Enjoy your Cloverdale “Naturally Applewood Triple Slow Smoked Extra Thick Cut Bacon.” And save some for tomato season.