​An Electric Heater-Side Chat About Queer Kids Today

By Faye Seidler

fayeseidler@gmail.com

As I write this article, it’s January, and the temperatures in North Dakota are negative. I’m living in a house and our furnace just died a forever death after years of quick fixes. Yet, small pockets of the house remain warm by the grace of electric heaters. The water that used to warm our house now still circulates to stop it from freezing, but thankfully our water heater still makes life worth living.

I’ve been writing about queer kids in North Dakota for nearly 10 years. And if you understand the metaphor inherent to the paragraph above, you understand what life is like for queer kids today.

In 2018, I broke the first story in our state about the terrible outcomes our queer youth face titled, “North Dakota is Failing Our Queer Youth.” It was a story about Chance Houle, a trans boy who died of suicide in Bismarck that made national news. Everyone involved back then proudly declared it wasn’t their fault, and most people moved on.

I gave it another go in 2020, writing an article called, “Giving Hope to North Dakota Queer Youth.” I already talked about the horror, so I felt maybe it was important to give people something to hold on to. By this point my work had moved into suicide prevention advocacy and I learned the value of framing the positive.

Unfortunately, things just got worse. In 2022, I wrote about “The Coming Storm for LGBTQ+ People,” a look at the extreme political rhetoric that was for some reason trying to make life worse for LGBTQ+ kids. I painted a grim picture and little did I know how much I was underselling the terror. It was so much worse than anyone thought and it changed my life forever.

And here we are at the beginning of 2025 and I’m taking up the pen again. What haven’t I said by now? What could I say today that makes tomorrow better? I think about that a lot. Every day I look at the chalkboard of life with one problem to solve: how do I reach the kids that need it and tell them there is a future where they can be happy? That they deserve love and kindness and that they’re just amazing as who they are.

On January 2nd, I released the 2025 North Dakota State of the State Report for LGBTQ+ Youth. I told my editor I’d be writing about this, and to find it buried 400 words deep…I didn’t just bury the lede; you’re gonna have to go fracking for it. (Little North Dakota humor for ya.)

It’s a comprehensive report on how our LGBTQ+ youth are doing across multiple systems. To summarize the 34 pages, they’re doing bad and need help. But it’s not fundamentally different from the times I wrote about this before. It’s the same bad outcome for the same reasons.

These kids don’t feel safe; they’re not getting the help they need and have multiple scary risk factors. The minority stress of living in a highly culturally prejudiced society towards LGBTQ+ individuals is having predictable and observable outcomes on population health. And our professionals are stymied from any adequate intervention because of political leaders and a culture of fear. Misinformation and stigma create barriers for understanding or communication, and our state is not addressing these problems at any level.

In the house of North Dakota, queer youth don’t have heat and suffer the full consequences of the environment. While a metaphor, some literally don’t as they experience homelessness, abandonment, or are kicked out.

And despite it all, I’m not that worried. Something happened to me over these 10 years that I didn’t expect. I got older. I started to see the world differently as an adult closer to forty than thirty. I saw kids grow up. I learned what it meant to be a parent and truly understand that our kids are the future. And these kids? They’re the coolest kids you’ll ever meet, seriously.

They look out for each other, they make art, they fall in love, they have dreams and really are just like any other youth trying to figure out the world and their place in it. Despite the big scary politicians and extreme political rhetoric, they are claiming joy and interrupting bigotry, they are choosing kindness and finding pockets of warmth to survive in.

Today, there are more families that love their trans kids than we’ve ever had in history. Today our youth get to grow up with queer adults and elders to look up to as role models. There is so much hope in this world and these kids are so amazing.

Still, many of them are still cold, some are freezing and they need help. If you want to help, get connected with me or find the kids in your life and keep them warm. Just one good blanket can allow them to survive until they find a place with heat.

Faye Seidler operates Faye Seidler Consulting, Advocacy and Philanthropy, which specializes in suicide prevention among LGBTQ+ population. She also serves as the Community Uplift Program Manager at Harbor Health Initiative.