​Gazongas for me, but not for thee

By Chris M. Stoner

Bryon Noem deserves to feel shame.

Not for his bimbofication fetish. As a drag queen for nearly a quarter of a century, I whole-heartedly think people should do more exploration of their gender and sexual identities. The world would be a much happier and more fulfilled place if people would take a little time to unpack all of those desires and interests they keep hidden away because someone, somewhere told them they were dirty. And that person who doled out that shame probably looked a lot like Bryon or Kristi Noem. Therein lies the problem.

I don't care that Bryon Noem likes to get tarted up and talk to sex workers for $20 a minute. Now as a drag artist and theater lover, do I wish he was a little more dedicated to his craft? Absolutely! I mean, seriously? Not one stitch of makeup, not even lipstick? You can get a decent enough wig on Amazon for $20-$40 — just hang up a minute or two early on one call! And lord, those balloon knot nipples were pointed at different ZIP codes! But if that's what turns him on and the checks don't bounce (I'm just saying, the leader of his chosen party is pretty famous for not paying contractors for services rendered, allegedly), then I love that journey for him.

Or I would, if he and his wife and the whole MAGA movement weren't working so hard to make life more difficult for queer and trans folks, drag performers and other marginalized communities. It used to boggle my mind when an anti-queer conservative politician was busted cruising for sex in an airport bathroom, or hiring male escorts or dressing up in ladies' lingerie. Now it's just another chorus of the same old tune. Every time there is a huge Republican gathering, Grindr's servers crash— and remember, that doesn't happen at huge uncloseted queer events like New York or San Francisco Pride. Gee, it's almost like when you can live openly and authentically as yourself, you have some modicum of self-regulation and a wide variety of avenues for personal self-expression!

I used to think that attacking queerness was just a convenient wedge issue that Republicans used to rile up the uneducated and the bigoted. It definitely is that, and we see a lot of people willing to vote against their own self-interest because they've bought into it. But there's more to it. A lot of that hatred is pointed inward, and it's souring our whole democracy.

A hypothetical: how galling it must be to love the look of enormous pendulous breasts stretching the fabric of your t-shirt, and you have to hide that away for weekends alone when your fascist mouthpiece wife is off conducting her not-very-well-hidden affair on taxpayer-funded planes. You know, hypothetically. And then, you look outside and you see people dressing up and altering their bodies, whether through costume or surgical augmentation, to match their own self-image, their own desires, their own whims. And could it be? They seem to be...happy?!

But that's impossible! Your boss, your church leader, your sweet mamaw all told you that those people were nasty and dirty and were destined for torment here and in the hereafter! But they don't seem tormented. They seem to be building lives filled with authenticity and joy. In fact, you're the one who feels a bit tormented. You see these people and it's a constant reminder that it is possible to live authentically and to experience pleasure and joy, and even love! And instead of unpacking that, of resisting all of that programming that told you that you were somehow wrong for wanting the things you wanted, you send it back out into the world as bitterness and hate — and more and more, as political action and talking points.

Bryon Noem shouldn't feel ashamed that he likes to explore his gender identity and expression through bimbofication (he should maybe feel a little shame for the quality of his crossdressing, but that's a different discussion). The gender play itself is not the issue. What is the issue is that his wife has very publicly and specifically attacked drag performers, drag shows, trans people and gender non-conforming people on multiple occasions, and he has been there right by her side supporting her and never (to my knowledge) ever challenging her or arguing to protect those with similar interests and identities who choose to live their lives publicly and without shame.

This "queerness for me but not for thee" nonsense isn't going to fly, and he deserves to be publicly ridiculed: not for his desires but for his hypocrisy. I don't believe in outing — unless the person being outed is actively working to harm the very community that they are secretly a part of. There is no shame in wanting to crossdress to explore your own complex gender identity — unless you do that on Saturday night, then listen to a sermon demonizing trans people on Sunday and campaign to criminalize drag shows on Monday.

I genuinely hope that people like this find a way to embrace their true selves. I hope that they can process their internalized homophobia and transphobia in healthy ways instead of attacking queer and trans people who they hate because they remind them that authenticity is possible. I wish them true healing and growth. But until that day happens, my daily mantra for dealing with Republicans is "Every accusation is a confession" and I'm here to yuck that yum all day long.

Chris M Stoner is a writer, theatrical nerd, and has been performing in drag for 25 years this December. More of their work can be found on their website, JanessaJaye.com