​The long shadow of the ‘Get Along Gays’

Chris M. Stoner

I was recently dismissed from my role as drag show director and emcee for Dakota OutRight, a role I had been fulfilling for more than two decades. The reason given? My political commentary during shows, while “well-intentioned,” apparently left some audience members feeling “overwhelmed” and the group felt that the drag shows were a space that needed to be “protected” from this.

The words in quotes come directly from the obviously AI-generated message I received from an anonymous board member through the group’s Facebook page. No discussion, no raising of concerns, just a brief ChatGPT dismissal dripping with fake optimism and a lack of respect for the years that I had dedicated to building a strong drag presence in North Dakota’s capital city.

Now, I’m not sure if the politics were the real reason I was pushed out — this situation is still unfolding, and there seems to be some other toxic behavior from a former board member that influenced the decision — but let’s start there. What are my political statements that are so objectionable?

I believe that allies are important for progress; not just straight folks pitching in (although that is important), but also that all of the various letters under the rainbow umbrella need to be better allies to each other. Cisgender queer folk need to be better allies to their trans and non-binary siblings. White queer and trans people need to engage with the privilege that our skin color affords us, and show up for the black and brown people in our communities.

And perhaps most troubling to some, I feel very strongly that queer conservatives shouldn’t feel entitled to step into queer spaces and expect that their collusion with a political ideology that is actively harming queer and trans people won’t be challenged.

I’m so tired of acting like we have to tiptoe around the feelings of queer conservatives. They are nothing new — I’ve been calling them the “Get Along Gays” for years. In the fight for marriage equality, they were the ones who insisted we had to strip any inkling of sex from homosexuality in order to win over some crumbs of acceptance. They were the ones on the daytime talk shows I saw as a kid in their flannel shirts saying, “We’re not all sissies! Some of us are firemen and lumberjacks!” as if the performance of traditional masculinity made them more deserving of human dignity and respect.

They were the ones who took over the Mattachine Society, a pre-Stonewall queer rights organization, who insisted that members dress “appropriately” for their assigned sex at birth (women were not allowed to protest unless wearing a dress or skirt, and men had to wear shirt and tie) and argued that their sexuality was a sickness that couldn’t be helped, and people should pity them.

I understand that these people exist. I don’t understand why they exist, but an unfortunate truth is that there will always be people from marginalized communities who are willing to be complicit with their own oppressors. Maybe they think they will be spared any of the consequences? Maybe they think their skin color or their bank balance will protect them? I’m not sure how they come to that conclusion, and I’m not sure I care.

We are living in a time that gets more dangerous for queer and trans people every day, and there is no excuse for collusion. If you come to my show and feel uncomfortable when I talk about the political realities of being queer and trans in our culture at large as well as in North Dakota specifically – good! Maybe instead of whining about how you didn’t come to a drag show to be lectured, you should sit with that discomfort and think about how the political choices you make affect the most marginalized in our communities. I talk about politics for maybe five, ten minutes during a show. People live with the repercussions of those choices every single day.

This month is Pride, and I know that Dakota OutRight is struggling to make sure that Pride weekend still happens in Bismarck. Former board members and volunteers have stepped up to try to push the organization back on track. I’ve chosen to step away from the celebration this year, and I’m sure there will be some hard conversations after Pride is over, but I do have some hope given the familiar faces that have chosen to get involved and the fact that some of the former board members have moved on to their next…adventure.

I’m not sure what the future holds for my relationship with Dakota OutRight (who I started working with before DOR even existed — it was originally a social group called Dakota Good Friends. But I do know one thing: I will not tone down my voice or compromise my platform to appease people within our communities who don’t feel that vocal, full-chested support for trans and non-binary people, for Black and brown people, and for the most vulnerable within our communities is “appropriate” to talk about in queer spaces.

If that sentiment makes you feel uncomfortable at Pride, don’t come to Pride. If it’s too hard to sit through 10 minutes of that commentary at a 2.5+ hour drag show, don’t come to the show. But don’t expect people to edit their lives and experiences for the sake of your comfort. The first Pride was a riot, and if the Get Along Gays had their way we would still be prostrate, begging for crumbs of acceptance in our business casual.

You’re not entitled to a safe space if your actions and your votes harm the safety of that space. If believing that and advocating for that costs me a job, then so be it. But don’t think I’m going to just lie down and be quiet about it. My big mouth is what got me into this mess in the first place, and I won’t be shutting it any time soon.

Chris M. Stoner has been performing across the region as Janessa Jaye Champagne for twenty-five years this December. They have operated their own website, JanessaJaye.com, for 14 years, where you can find more of their writing as well as numerous photo galleries. For more context, a compilation of Stoner’s public statements about this situation can be found on When It All Goes Wrong: The Dakota OutRight Situation.